Banned from Argo-Dr. Demento/Leslie Fish

[00:04.72]When we pulled into Argo Port in need of R & R [00:08.34]The crew set out investigating every joint and bar [00:12.12]We had high expectations of their hospitality [00:15.74]But found too late it wasn't geared for spacers such as we [00:19.37]And we're banned from Argo, every one [00:23.82]Banned from Argo just for having a little fun [00:27.13]We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four [00:30.95]But Argo doesn't want us anymore [00:34.92]Our captain's tastes were simple but his methods were complex [00:38.50]We found him with five partners each of a different world and *** [00:42.08]The shore police were on the way, we had no second chance [00:45.85]We beamed him up in the nick of time and the remnants of his pants [00:49.52]And we're banned from Argo, every one [00:53.85]Banned from Argo just for having a little fun [00:57.23]We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four [01:00.95]But Argo doesn't want us anymore [01:06.63]Our engineer would yield to none in putting down the brew [01:10.31]He out-drank seven space marines and a demolition crew [01:14.02]The navigator didn't win but he out-drank almost all [01:17.59]And now they've got a shuttlecraft on the roof of City Hall [01:21.37]And we're banned from Argo, every one [01:25.80]Banned from Argo just for having a little fun [01:29.04]We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four [01:32.86]But Argo doesn't want us anymore [01:38.70]Our proper cool first officer was drugged with something green [01:42.03]And hauled into an alley, where he suffered things obscene [01:45.75]He sobered up in sickbay and he's none the worse for wear [01:49.58]Except he somehow taught the bridge computer how to swear [01:53.26]And we're banned from Argo, every one [01:57.48]Banned from Argo just for having a little fun [02:01.02]We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four [02:04.75]But Argo doesn't want us anymore [02:10.60]The head nurse disappeared a while in the major **** bazaar [02:13.98]Buying an odd green potion guaranteed to cause pon farr [02:17.64]She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart [02:21.47]And a painful way of walking with her feet a yard apart [02:24.94]And we're banned from Argo, every one [02:29.42]Banned from Argo just for having a little fun [02:32.96]We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four [02:36.73]But Argo doesn't want us anymore [02:42.96]Our lady of communications won a ship-wide bet [02:46.18]By getting into the planet's main communications net [02:49.97]Now every time someone calls up on an Argo telescreen, [02:53.55]The flesh is there, but the clothes they wear are nowhere to be seen [02:57.18]And we're banned from Argo, every one [03:01.55]Banned from Argo just for having a little fun [03:04.98]We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four [03:08.86]But Argo doesn't want us anymore [03:14.69]Our Doctor loves Humanity; his private life is quiet [03:18.22]The Shore Police arrested him for inciting whores to riot [03:21.90]We found him in the city jail, locked on and beamed him free [03:25.78]Intact except for hickeys and six kinds of VD [03:29.80]And we're banned from Argo, every one [03:33.89]Banned from Argo just for having a little fun [03:37.20]We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four [03:41.10]But Argo doesn't want us anymore [03:47.21]Our Helmsman loves exotic plants; the plants all love him too [03:50.55]He took some down on leave with him and we wondered what they'd do, [03:54.19]Till the planetary governor called and swore upon his life [03:57.83]That a gang of plants entwined his house and then seduced his wife! [04:01.53]And we're banned from Argo, every one [04:06.03]Banned from Argo just for having a little fun [04:09.33]We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four [04:13.11]But Argo doesn't want us anymore [04:19.00]A gang of pirates landed, and nobody seemed to care [04:22.54]They stamped into the nearest bar to announce that they were there [04:26.21]Half our crew was busy there, and invited them to play, [04:29.93]But the pirates only looked at us, and turned and ran away [04:34.20]And we're banned from Argo, every one [04:38.23]Banned from Argo just for having a little fun [04:41.45]We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four [04:45.32]But Argo doesn't want us anymore [05:20.74]Our crew is Starfleet's finest, and our record is our pride [05:24.31]And when we play we tend to leave a trail a mile wide [05:27.99]We're sorry about the wreckage and the riots and the fuss; [05:31.68]At least we're sure that planet won't be quick forgetting us! [05:35.31]And we're banned from Argo, every one [05:39.48]Banned from Argo just for having a little fun [05:43.05]We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four [05:47.03]But Argo doesn't want us anymore