Your Horoscope for Today-Weird Al Yankovic

[00:00.000] 作词 : Yankovic [00:11.47]Aquarius [00:12.30]There's travel in your future when your tongue [00:14.70]freezes to the back of a speeding bus [00:17.52]Fill that void in your pathetic life [00:19.69]by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day [00:22.42]Pisces [00:23.05]Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos [00:25.55]with the E. Bola virus [00:27.50]You are the true Lord of the Dance [00:30.24]no matter what those idiots at work say [00:32.40]Aries [00:33.05]The look on your face will be priceless [00:34.58]when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon [00:38.28]Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf [00:40.79]then give a hickey to Meryl Streep [00:42.64]Taurus [00:43.07]You will never find true happiness [00:45.47]whatcha gonna do, cry about it? [00:47.98]The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, [00:50.48]do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep [00:53.64]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay) [00:58.64]That's your horoscope for today [01:03.77]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay) [01:08.77]That's your horoscope for today [01:13.45]Gemini [01:13.99]Your birthday party will be ruined once again [01:17.00]by your explosive flatulence [01:19.06]Your love life will run into trouble when your [01:21.25]fiance hurls a javelin through your chest [01:23.88]Cancer [01:24.29]The position of Jupiter says that you should [01:26.69]spend the rest of the week face down in the mud [01:29.63]Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose [01:32.58]while taking your driver's test [01:34.21]Leo [01:34.52]Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt [01:36.81]and staple it to your boss's face, oh no [01:39.64]Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding [01:41.60]and wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik [01:44.86]Virgo [01:45.30]All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent [01:49.00]except for you [01:50.09]Expect a big surprise today [01:52.26]when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick [01:55.32]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay) [02:00.32]That's your horoscope for today [02:05.55]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay) [02:10.89]That's your horoscope for today [02:15.35]Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least [02:17.85]a bit unlikely that the relative position of the [02:20.26]planets and the stars could have a special deep significance [02:22.53]or meaning that exclusively applies to only you [02:25.05]but let me give you my assurance that these [02:26.57]forecasts and predictions are all based on [02:28.31]solid scientific documented evidence [02:30.37]so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize [02:32.90]that every single one of them is absolutely true [02:35.39]Where was I? [02:35.82]Libra [02:36.39]A big promotion is just around the corner [02:38.89]for someone much more talented than you [02:41.62]Laughter is the very best medicine [02:43.47]remember that when your appendix bursts next week [02:46.21]Scorpio [02:46.85]Get ready for an unexpected trip [02:49.02]when you fall screaming from an open window [02:51.85]Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem [02:55.23]you stupid freak [02:56.43]Sagittarius [02:57.30]All your friends are laughing behind your back [03:00.24]K I L L T H E M [03:01.77]Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine [03:05.24]you've got hanging in your den [03:06.88]Capricorn [03:07.64]The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person [03:11.02]but you know they're lying [03:12.43]If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and [03:14.39]never never never never never leave my house again [03:17.66]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay) [03:22.66]That's your horoscope for today [03:27.89]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay) [03:33.02]That's your horoscope for today [03:38.15]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay) [03:43.15]That's your horoscope for today [03:48.27]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay) [03:53.28]That's your horoscope for today [03:56.00]