The Thieves Banquet-Akala

[00:02.03]Once upon a time [00:02.81]in an obscure part of the Milky Way Galaxy, [00:06.25]there was a spinning ball of water and rock ruled by the forces of evil. [00:12.26]The Devil himself, [00:14.74]proud of the magnificent achievements of his children, [00:17.90]decided to call a special banquet for the greatest thieves in all the land [00:22.40]He sent invites to thousands of the greatest murders, [00:26.62]rapists and general-assorted scum, [00:29.62]inviting them to attend his palace at the dawn of the new moon. [00:33.74]Each thief would be given a chance to stake his claim [00:37.97]as the greatest messenger of murder upon the planet, [00:41.51]and the Devil himself would then decide who should be crowned king. [00:47.66]After many days of deliberating, [00:50.95]all of the petty thieves, such as street criminals, [00:53.09]have been found far short of the required level of wickedness [00:57.01]and there were just four sets of thieves left in the competition [01:02.11]They were: [01:03.85]the monarchs of empire, [01:04.92]a cartel of bankers, [01:07.00]the heads of religious orders, [01:09.12]and the third-world dictators. [01:11.27]Each set of thieves appointed a spokesman to give his case to the Devil. [01:17.18]We have recorded these events for posterity [01:24.55]Uh, listen [01:28.14]Uh, okay, yo [01:33.89]First up was the thief of the worst reputation [01:37.49]Dictator of a third-world nation [01:39.19]He looked the Devil in the eye as he spoke [01:41.00]In an oh-so-serious tone [01:42.31]Dear Mr. Devil [01:43.38]I am the greatest thief there has ever been on Earth [01:45.72]Please tell me who else more than me personifies your work [01:49.35]I came to power in a military coup, [01:51.26]I murdered the elected president [01:53.28]He wanted to use the resources of our country for our peoples’ benefit [01:56.50]I proved to masters in the west [01:58.72]I could kill my own people just as well as the best [02:00.05]So I took over the so-called independent country when the foreigners left [02:03.23]Sent squads of death to those who would suggest [02:05.07]In power should be the one they elect [02:06.60]Erected a statue of the great man [02:08.40]That raped our mothers, stole our lands [02:10.06]That’s how little self-respect I have [02:11.79]Don’t fight slavery, it makes me glad [02:13.56]Account in Switzerland, Rolls Royce [02:15.29]Murder and rape cos I want new toys [02:16.85]Don’t want a portion, but a whole fortune [02:18.62]With that profit, what’s a little bit of torture [02:20.51]Even outlawed my indigenous culture [02:21.94]And language and history [02:23.65]And taught our people to only worship colonizers [02:26.01]And of course, ME! [02:30.82]Thief! [02:32.09]It’s the banquet of the thieves! [02:35.90]Come and dine with me! [02:40.04]It’s the banquet of the thieves! [02:42.21]The banquet of the thieves… [02:44.85]The Devil was so impressed with this wonderful man [02:46.04]He almost ejaculated on his hands [02:47.80]But the monarch of the empire said [02:49.58]Excuse me, Mr. Devil, I’d like to speak if I may [02:51.15]Who do you think trained this amateur dictator to behave this way? [02:54.57]Yeah, I’m sure before I came along his country was far from heaven [02:58.15]But look of the carnage I caused all over the Earth, [02:59.93]it’s got to be the work of the Devil [03:01.56]Countless deaths, mass enslavement [03:03.23]Deliberate starvation of whole nations [03:05.01]The dictator tries his best, [03:06.58]but looking at me, [03:07.45]he’s just an imitation [03:08.50]Who do you think pays his wages? [03:09.41]He would love to be trading places [03:11.32]I’ve been doing this ting on the roads [03:12.99]Way back, way back, way back [03:14.20]Since the Middle Ages [03:15.26]Everybody knows he’s a criminal element [03:16.81]They think I’m democratic and benevolent [03:18.72]And that shows that I’m really devilish [03:20.28]Cos people think I’m heaven-sent [03:22.06]I couldn’t care about democracy [03:23.73]You all know no one elected me [03:25.11]The people love me despite my crimes [03:27.05]Sucka MCs wanna bite my shine [03:28.66]So blingin’ out of control you would vomit [03:30.44]Don’t even touch dough, but my face is on it! [03:32.60]Thief! [03:34.34]It’s the banquet of the thieves! [03:37.73]Come and dine with me! [03:43.87]I’m a pervert who’s in the cloak of the clergy [03:48.28]Yes, I’m a pervert who’s in the cloak [03:50.97]I’m a despicable character [03:52.19]I use my position of authority and spiritual reverence [03:55.98]I’m a despicable character [04:00.09]Mr. Devil, allow me to speak [04:01.37]For all of the religious leaders that leech [04:03.20]In the world of creeps, I’m initiated [04:04.77]I take the peoples’ faith and dissipate it [04:06.61]With false promises, hollow oratory [04:08.33]Don’t need a gun, it’s daylight robbery [04:09.99]Dear Mr. Devil [04:11.05]I thought you would like it [04:12.66]How I use their faith in God to keep them blinded [04:13.41]Put on a nice voice, read them a book [04:15.39]And they believe that I am not a crook [04:16.86]Tell them God will repay them in the next [04:18.88]They give me their life savings so I can buy jets [04:20.44]All the reports about child *** [04:21.85]None of us have ever gone to jail yet [04:23.68]This system of stealing, so appealing [04:25.50]Convinces the victims their lives have meaning [04:27.22]Monarchs boast about conquest [04:28.72]But needed my blessings to get it done [04:30.28]And all of the dictators use my books [04:32.27]Therefore, they are just my sons [04:33.99]The Devil was sure this was the winner [04:35.68]And was just about to put an end to the dinner [04:37.20]But then the man from the banking cartel [04:39.12]Stepped up and said [04:40.23]I think I’m the biggest sinner [04:41.18]All of those three depend on me [04:42.48]All they ever do is defending me [04:44.11]Cos I paid for all of the things they have [04:46.43]Of course, and all of the lives they lead [04:47.77]Paid for the guns, bombs and the tanks [04:49.64]That’s why you see, there is always more [04:51.16]I turned science’s basic appliance [04:53.03]Into a client of weapon and war [04:54.59]Paid for monarchies, armed robberies [04:56.41]I make monopolies out of property [04:58.19]Never shot a gun nor killed anyone myself [05:00.26]But billions die cos of me [05:01.64]Who needs a threat? I make a debt [05:03.29]Out of thin air, just sit back and collect [05:04.97]Every single day, whatever they say [05:06.48]The people need me just to connect it [05:08.25]Yet none of them knows what I look like [05:09.90]Yet all of them spend my money to look nice [05:11.68]They want more, no one’s pure [05:13.15]I hold the keys to every single door [05:14.87]Sell *** and drugs, profit and lies [05:16.84]Earth and skies, I’ll even sell life [05:18.51]I’ll even sell freedom for the right price [05:20.40]But no one is smart enough to ask me nice [05:22.09]So Mr. Devil, give me the medal [05:23.17]Don’t be biased [05:24.42]If you don’t give it to me [05:25.50]I’ll just BUY IT! [05:28.79]Thief! [05:30.76]It’s the banquet of the thieves! [05:34.44]Come and dine with me! [05:38.19]It’s the banquet of the thieves! [05:41.41]The banquet of the thieves… [05:45.27]It’s the banquet of the thieves! [05:48.16]Come and dine with me! [05:51.02]It’s the banquet of the thieves! [05:54.20]The banquet of the thieves…