A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying-Bloodhound Gang

[00:10.000]I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert [00:13.000]That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. [00:19.000]It had been a while. [00:21.000]In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went [00:24.000]since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. [00:28.000]I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons [00:31.500]through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. [00:36.000]Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, [00:40.000]milky white skin and baby blue eyes. [00:44.800]name was Russell. [00:45.700]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [00:55.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [01:04.000]Well I find it's quite a thrill [01:08.800]When she grinds me against her will [01:13.000]Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [01:24.000]Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", [01:27.500]this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls [01:30.000]like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. [01:33.500]Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', [01:38.000]cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." [01:41.000]Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, [01:45.500]and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask [01:48.500]as I do my little kooky dance. [01:51.000]And then she told me to shush. [01:53.000]I guess she could sense my desperation. [01:56.000]Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl. [02:00.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [02:09.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [02:18.000]Well I find it's quite a thrill [02:23.000]When she grinds me against her will [02:27.800]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [02:38.000]So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. [02:42.800]So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ [02:46.500]is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole [02:48.800]with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something [02:51.300]resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" [02:55.300]Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later [02:58.800]I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. [03:02.000]Got the nailer back at her trailer. [03:04.700]Heh. That rhymes. [03:07.800]I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on [03:10.300]when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula. [03:14.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [03:23.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [03:32.000]Well I find it's quite a thrill [03:37.000]When she grinds me against her will [03:41.700]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [03:52.000]Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, [03:54.400]gave the tranny a spin and slid on into [03:56.800]The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. [04:00.200]There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", [04:03.500]when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. [04:08.800]Well, my heart just dropped. [04:10.200]So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. [04:14.000]You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice [04:18.500]and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five [04:20.800]in an eighteen-wheeler. [04:22.800]I never thought missing children could be so ***y. [04:26.200]Did I say that out loud? [04:28.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [04:37.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [04:46.000]Well I find it's quite a thrill [04:50.800]When she grinds me against her will [04:55.700]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' [05:05.000]END