A Letter for Zach-Old Gray

[00:13.545] I still remember the hotel room where I sat. [00:18.563] Fleeing the hand that gripped you. [00:21.459] I gave you words, [00:22.877] they were inadequate. [00:24.157] Couldn't admit that I abandoned you. [00:27.457] My fear grew, ever stronger. [00:29.598] My delusion cast about me, a blanket to my conscious mind. [00:34.126] And my paradise lies in blankets and smoke. [00:37.454] [00:37.634] [00:37.961] Remember when we were all smiles, blind to reality. [00:42.281] I sat with eyes closed for awhile. As if days don't turn to months. [00:46.434] Except, I forgot it ends like this. [00:50.691] Blue veins, cracked upon a pale surface. [00:54.561] Did you smile one last time, as you closed your eyes? [00:58.057] [00:58.249] [00:58.345] Because, I don't want to close my eyes anymore. [01:01.258] I want to be whole again, how the **** do I get there? [01:04.930] I've lost what it means to be a person. [01:07.579] Haven't been reading enough to know the right words, [01:10.003] so I keep mine to myself. [01:12.072] Just thought I'd take this chance. [01:14.637] Say I'm sorry. [01:16.605] [01:16.783] [01:16.857] So one more cigarette, one more breath in between, [01:19.357] one more drink, [01:20.506] one more hit. [01:21.599] Hopefully take the breath out of me. [01:23.343] Counting seconds to minutes as you slip away. [01:26.998] [01:27.188] [01:27.682] You were going to be someone. [01:29.276] We all I knew I, was supposed to be the one. [01:32.472] Found on a cold tile floor. [01:34.312] The vibrance of your being seemed so foreign, as you lay there. [01:38.720] [01:38.879] [01:39.130] I still keep the card scott gave in my pocket so I never leave your side again. [01:45.150] Each day, find myself asking what would have been if I was there? [01:49.920] Again. [01:50.735] I should never have been there in the first place.