'Twas The Night After Christmas (Album Version)-Jeff Foxworthy

[00:03.47]Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, [00:06.48]The beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler, [00:09.10] [00:09.84]The tube socks empty, hung no candies or toys, [00:13.23]I was camped out on my old La-Z-Boy, [00:15.98] [00:16.54]The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife, [00:19.72]The worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives, [00:22.90] [00:23.65]My wife couldn't argue and neither could I, [00:25.96] [00:26.46]So I watched TV and my wife, she just cried [00:29.47] [00:30.40]When out in the yard the dog started barkin' [00:32.21] [00:33.34]I stood up and looked and saw Sheriff Larkin [00:35.75] [00:36.56]yelled, He "Roy I amd sworn to uphold the laws [00:40.21]And I got a complaint from a feller named Clause." [00:44.09]I said, "Clause, I don't know nobody named Clause, [00:48.20]And you ain't takin me in without probable cause." [00:51.17] [00:51.91]Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night." [00:55.29] [00:56.41]I said, "That might've been me, just whats he look like? [00:59.96]The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly [01:04.33]That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly [01:08.01]He sports a long beard and a nose like a cherry." [01:11.13]I said, "That sounds like my wife's sister Sherri." [01:13.99] [01:14.86]"It's no time for jokes Roy," the Sheriff he said, [01:18.29]"The man I'm describing is dressed all in red [01:20.71] [01:21.23]I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean, [01:24.68]Tell me what you done, and tell me what you seen." [01:27.42] [01:28.35]Well I started to lie I then thought what the hell [01:31.86]It wouldn't be the first time I spent New Years in jail. [01:34.73] [01:35.29]I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten, [01:38.50] [01:39.06]I thought that my wife had been drinking again." [01:42.49]When she walked in from works she was white as a ghost [01:46.49]I thought maybe she'd seen one of them UFO's [01:50.49]she that said But a bunch of deer had just flown over her head [01:53.88]And stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red, [01:56.13] [01:57.25]Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shutter, [02:00.84] [02:01.53]A freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter. [02:04.96] [02:05.83]Well, my hands were a shaking as I grabbed my gun, [02:09.81]When outta Red's chimney this feller did run [02:12.12] [02:12.68]And slung on his back was this bag overflowin' [02:16.24]I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin' [02:20.09] [02:21.21]So I yelled, "Drop it fat boy, hands in the air." [02:25.01] [02:25.76]But he went about his business like he a hadn't care [02:28.19] [02:28.88]So I popped off a warning shot over his head, [02:31.44] [02:32.06]Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled, [02:35.06] [02:35.62]And as he flew off i heard him extort, [02:38.24] [02:38.92]"Thats assault with intent Roy, I'll see you in court."Ill tell you what sheriff if you put a subnet [02:49.69]on me I wont show up ill hold up in the cellar [02:52.25]and you’ll never rout me outta there [02:53.93]so why don’t you just [02:55.37]turn car off come [02:58.70] [02:59.45]in well watch wrestling eat some [03:01.69]Easter bunny stew and talk about howta catch that tooth fairy [03:04.44]she’s been over here about every other night