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[00:00.00] 作词 : Bo Burnham
[00:01.00] 作曲 : Bo Burnham
[00:09.14]This is Bo Burnham.
这是Bo Burnham [00:12.41]He is 22 years old, he's a male,
他今年22岁，他是一名男性 [00:18.01]And he looks like the genetic product of a giraffe having sex with Ellen DeGeneres.
而他看上去像是长颈鹿和Ellen Degeneres基因结合的产物 [00:24.91]He has a gigantic head and tiny nipples.
他有颗很大的脑袋，很小的乃子 [00:28.84]He's isolated himself over the last five years in pursuit of comedy and,
他为了追求喜剧，在过去五年里把自己与世隔绝 [00:35.49]In doing so, has lost touch with reality.
且正因如此，他已经脱离了与现实的联系 [00:42.83]You're an asshole, Bo. You hear me?
你就是个混蛋，Bo。你听到没？ [00:48.85]You think you know better than me.
你自以为你比我要见多识广 [00:51.98]You think you know better than everybody.
你自以为你比所有人都博学多识 [00:55.87]You will die alone, and you will deserve it.
你会孤独地死去，而且你也活该 [01:01.42]But in the meantime, you might as well tell those silly jokes of yours.
但与此同时，你不妨把你的那些愚蠢的笑话讲给大家听 [01:07.57]See if that helps.
看看这有什么用吧 [01:08.43] [01:10.03]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:11.47]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:13.55]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:14.96]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:16.49]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:17.92]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:19.38]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:20.85]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:21.86] [01:22.01]You used to do comedy when you felt like being funny
你以前在做喜剧表演，那时的你觉得自己很有趣 [01:27.75]But now, you're contractually obligated
但现在你却是为了合同义务而表演 [01:30.64]So dance, you ****ing monkey
那就起舞吧，你个蠢猴子 [01:35.36]Dance, monkey, dance!
跳啊，猴子，给我跳起来 [01:37.17]Welcome to the show
欢迎来到这场秀 [01:38.39]This is Bo, this is his show
这就是Bo，这是他的节目秀 [01:40.06]And Bo likes to dance like this
Bo喜欢这样子跳舞 [01:43.46]Welcome to the show
欢迎来到这场节目秀 [01:44.12]This is Bo, this is his show
这是Bo，这是他的演出 [01:45.83]And Bo takes off his pants like this
Bo是这样脱裤子的 [01:49.19]Play an invisible drum
敲一下隐形的鼓（哒哒哒） [01:52.09]Play an invisible trumpet (Trumpet sound)
吹一下隐形的小号（真·小号声） [01:55.27]Drink some invisible water
喝几口隐形的水 [01:57.49]Oh shit , that water's real!
我去，那水是真的 [02:00.76] [02:01.32]Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
Bo想让你们感到自在 [02:04.32]Bo wants to make you feel comfortable (Random voice)
Bo想让你们感到舒适（随机的声音） [02:07.35]Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
Bo想让你们感到惬意 [02:09.10]So sit back, relax, and enjoy
那就坐好，放松，然后享受 [02:12.12]A healthy dose of
一剂健康的... [02:13.08]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(ー`´ー) [02:15.40]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(｀Д´) [02:19.24]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(;｀O´) [02:21.91]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(ﾉ｀⊿´) [02:25.08]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(｀^´) [02:28.19]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触 (｀ω´*) [02:31.10]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(^_−) [02:33.85]Prolonged eye contact
长时间眼神接触(*･ω< ) [02:35.36] [02:37.43]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(^し^) [02:40.52]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(≖ᴗ≖) [02:42.82]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(｀∀´) [02:46.00]Lick your lips to make it more comforting
舔舔你的嘴唇，让这个行为更加安逸 [02:48.98]Do you want to see a magic trick?
你想看魔术戏法吗？ [02:51.44]Do you want to see a magic trick?
你想看魔术戏法吗？ [02:54.26]Do you want to see a magic trick?
你想看魔术戏法吗？ [02:57.42]Then pick a card, any card
那就挑一张牌吧，哪一张都行... [03:00.12]Psych!
骗你的啦！ [03:01.39]Magic isn't real, you idiot (Read a book)
魔术都不是真的！你个蠢货！看点书吧！ [03:04.08]Magic isn't real, you idiot (Read a book)
魔术都不是真的！你个蠢货！看点书吧！ [03:06.94]Magic isn't real, you idiot (Read a book)
魔术都不是真的！你个蠢货！看点书吧！ [03:09.70]Magic isn't real
魔术都不是真的... [03:11.35]Or is it?
又或许，其实是真的？ [03:12.20] [03:16.52]And at that moment, Bo's 20-year old cynicism melted into childlike wonder.
在那一刻，20岁的Bo原有的愤世嫉俗化为孩童般的好奇心 [03:24.75]He never knew there could be so much magic in the world
他从未想过这世上竟然能有这么多魔力 [03:29.71]It's a world of possibilities, Bo. What do you want to do first?
这是一个充满可能性的世界啊，Bo。你想先做什么呢？ [03:35.90]Run? Yeah, sure you can run
奔跑？行啊，你当然可以奔跑 [03:38.76]Fly? Well, yeah, you can fly
飞翔？行啊，你也可以飞翔 [03:42.84]What? What are you— What the **** are you doing?
什么？你在干...你他喵的在干啥？ [03:46.26]What the **** are you doing?
你他喵的在干啥啊？ [03:47.61]Stop. S— Stop it.
住手！快-快住手啊！ [03:49.21]The fu— You ****ing idiot.
我他喵-你...你个蠢货！ [03:51.47]Stop. Stop. Stop
停停停！ [03:54.83]Anyways...
反正吧... [03:56.89] [03:57.04]In the distance, Bo saw a beautiful fairy
在远处，Bo看到了一只美丽的仙女 [03:59.82]A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud about being called one in high school
那只仙女是如此的美丽，以至于他不禁为自己在高中时被称作过“仙女”而感到自豪 [04:05.18]He then came across an old bridge with a troll standing guard
他接着穿过一座有巨人看守的古桥 [04:09.23]Bo knew that he'd have to answer a riddle to get by
Bo明白他必须答上一则谜语才能通过 [04:12.88]The troll spoke thus:
巨人如是说道： [04:15.99]"Alright, for the last time, man: I'm not a troll, I'm homeless.
好吧，我再说最后一次，我不是巨人，我是个无家可归的乞丐 [04:20.13]Okay, do you have any spare change?
懂了没？你有没有零钱？ [04:23.65]Okay, that's a used napkin. I don't want that.
呃，这是一张用过的餐巾，我不要这个... [04:26.49]No, no. Stop, just— You know what?
喂，喂，你住手，别-你猜怎么着？ [04:28.11]Leave. Just leave. Please leave."
走吧，你走吧，求你离我远点 [04:31.40] [04:31.75]And then, as Bo arrived on the other side of the stage
然后，当Bo走到舞台的另一侧 [04:38.10]He saw a unicorn, with five horns, right in front of him
他看到了一只头上长着五只角的独角兽站在他面前 [04:41.82]And the penta-corn spoke thus
然后五角兽如是说道： [04:47.35]"Hello, Bo
你好啊，Bo！ [04:50.08]I've been looking for you for quite a long ti—"
我已经找你找了好久...呃啊XP [04:52.03](*Gunshots*) (*Reloads Gun*) (*More Gunshots*)
（砰砰砰）（咔嚓咔嚓）（砰砰砰） [05:08.01]He was safe... for now.
他安全了...但只是暂时的 [05:11.50]But the dark thoughts would soon return
因为那些黑暗的想法终归会回来的 [05:17.47](It's Godzilla!)
（是哥斯拉！） [05:20.97](*Godzilla Shrieking*) (*Screaming*) (*Buildings Crashing*)
（呜啊）（啊啊啊）（哗啦哗啦） [05:41.34] [05:42.09]It's so hard to be a lizard
做一只蜥蜴真是太难啦 [05:48.58]It's hard to be a lizard (What did we do God? What did we do) (He killed my wife)
做一只蜥蜴太难啦（我们造了什么孽啊老天？我们做错啥了啊）（他杀了我的妻子） [05:54.91]Tiny arms, itchy gizzards ("That monster killed my wife! Why is he singing!?")
短小的上肢，发痒的砂囊（那个怪物杀了我的妻子！他为什么在唱歌啊！？） [06:01.19]It's hard to be a lizard (He's a monster) (Why!?)
做一只蜥蜴太难啦（他就是个怪物）（为什么啊！？） [06:08.50]But it's harder to segue
但是吧，做转场其实更难 [06:10.40]Is he skiing? Or is he in a gay porn?
他是在滑雪吗？还是在演GV呢？ [06:13.32]Is he skiing? What? Or is he in a gay porn?
他是在滑雪吗？啥？还是在演GV呢？ [06:15.83]Is he skiing? Huh? Or is he in a gay porn?
他是在滑雪吗？蛤？还是在演GV呢？ [06:18.44]Here's a hint
给你个提示 [06:21.23]He's in a gay porn
他正在演GV哟 [06:22.14] [06:22.34]Okay Bo, this miming shit is getting pretty annoying
好了，Bo，这出戏开始变得有些烦人了 [06:26.49]So give them the real thing
快给大家展现你真正的绝活吧 [06:28.21]My voice is so ****ing natural
我的嗓音是真特么的自然啊~ [06:33.77]It's naturally good naturally good
这是先天的优势，自然的动听 [06:38.64]Naturally good
优雅而不做作的好听 [06:41.75]This is the end of the song at the beginning of the show
这就是这首歌的结尾，也是这场秀的开场 [06:45.12]Welcome to the show!
欢迎来到这场节目秀！ [06:46.32] [07:01.51]That lizard part was pretty ****ing stupid
那段蜥蜴表演真是太特么弱智了 [07:06.44]We're uh- recording part of the CD tonight
我们-呃-今晚正在录制CD [07:08.40]And yeah, good to start off with 8 minutes of mime jokes, for the CD
然后...对，用八分钟的哑剧笑话来录制CD做开头还真是挺好的哈 [07:14.55]I want to start off with a joke for the fellas
我想先给伙计们讲个笑话 [07:16.55]I don't feel like I connect with my men in the audience
我感受不到我与观众席里的兄弟们之间的联系 [07:18.60]As well as I do with my, uh, prepubescent girls
就像我对待那些，呃，年轻幼美的女孩们一样 [07:22.68]Where my fellas at!? Fellas!?
我的伙计们在哪里！？伙计们！？ [07:26.30]Yo fellas, don't you hate it when you're sucking a guy's dick
哟伙计们，当你为一个男的吹笛子，最后却发现他是个同 [07:28.90]And he ends up being a bitch?
你难道不讨厌吗？ [07:30.50]Am I right?
我说的没错吧？ [07:31.26]These ****ing niggaz with their tasty dicks
那些该死的homo们和他们可口的香肠 [07:34.03]Alright, um-
好吧，嗯- [07:35.93] [07:38.72]If you'd like to leave during the show
如果你在这场节目秀期间想离开的话 [07:40.13]The exit signs are marked clearly in red
出口的标志清晰地标着红色 [07:43.11]Sort of an orangish, reddish, fiery red
有点像是一种又橙又微妙又火的红 [07:45.67]So we'll be ****ed if we need them
所以如果真出了意外的话我们就完蛋啦 [07:46.81]But we can see them now!
但是我们现在就能见识一下这种情况！ [07:54.39]Um, this show is called "what."
嗯，这场节目秀叫《什么》 [07:56.61]And I hope there's some surprises-
而我希望能带来些惊喜- [07:59.63]Accidentally knocks over water bottle
不小心把水打翻了 [08:01.13]Oh
噢 [08:01.52] [08:01.77]He meant to knock the water over
他本来就打算把水打翻 [08:02.88]Yeah, yeah, yeah
耶-耶-耶 [08:03.77]But you all thought it was an accident
但你们都以为那是个意外 [08:05.63]But he meant to knock the water over
而他本来就打算把水打翻 [08:07.84]Yeah, yeah, yeah
耶-耶-耶 [08:08.85]Art is a lie
艺术就是个谎言！ [08:09.75]NOTHING IS REAL
什么都不是真的！ [08:11.15]So it's called "what."
所以这场秀叫《什么》 [08:12.10]And uh, it's about
然后，呃，这是关于 [08:13.25]Hey, cool it
嘿，别激动 [08:14.26] [08:14.46]He meant to knock the water over
他本来就打算把水打翻 [08:15.58]Yeah, yeah, yeah
耶-耶-耶 [08:16.73]But you all thought it was an acc-
但你们都以为那是个- [08:18.34]Take it off repeat, it won't
就，把重复的切掉，这段就不会重复了 [08:21.89]This is the good thing
这倒是挺好的 [08:22.55]We can edit all this
我们全部可以进行剪辑 [08:23.25]In the actual CD recor-
哪怕是在现场CD录制- [08:24.47] [08:24.71]He meant to play the track again
他本来就打算把这段再放一遍 [08:25.86]Yeah, yeah, yeah
耶-耶-耶 [08:26.91]But you all thought it was an accident
但你们都以为那是个意外 [08:28.77]But he meant to play the water track a-
但他本来就打算把这段再放一 [08:31.22]Gain, gain, gain
遍-遍-遍 [08:32.07]Art's still a lie
艺术仍然是个谎言！ [08:33.42]NOTHING'S STILL REAL
一切依然是假的！ [08:34.43] [08:34.65]What's the deal with segues?
这样转场你们有意见吗？ [08:36.06]Uh, food jokes
呃，食物笑话 [08:36.92]Let's do some food jokes
咱们来讲点跟食物有关的段子吧 [08:40.12]How you guys doing in the nosebleeds?
你们大伙儿流鼻血的时候会怎么做？ [08:41.41]Up-top?
鼻子冲上对吧？ [08:44.30]Yes, the nosebleeds
没错，流鼻血的位置 [08:45.87]Where the **** is done
也就是要嗑嗨时吸的地方 [08:47.06]I had a hot dog for breakfast in Madison actually this morning
我早餐吃了一条热狗，就在Madison，今早吃的 [08:52.92]Yeah, afterwards I felt like this
对，然后我的感受就像这样 [08:55.02](Picks up stool and swings it around)
呜啊-呜啊（拿起椅子甩来甩去） [08:59.05]Because I couldn't control my stools
因为我控制不了我的椅子/便便 [09:00.32]Alright, Jesus
不行嘛？真是的~ [09:06.58]For the people listening, I moved the stool around a lot.
向正在听的听众们解释一下，我甩了一好会儿椅子/把这坨便便挪了一大段 [09:12.06]This is going to get difficult.
这双关解释起来感觉不太妙啊 [09:15.22]But I'm glad you like poop-based puns; they'll be a majority of the show.
但看到你们都喜欢以便便为主的双关笑话，我还是挺高兴的。这个主题将会是这场秀大部分的基调，所以... [09:20.69]Never waste a moment!
永远不要浪费时间！ [09:22.00]Every moment could become a comedy moment!
任何时刻都能成为一个喜剧片段 [09:24.10]See, thank you so much
瞧见没？非常感谢你们 [09:27.01]I um-
我，呃-
这是Bo Burnham [00:12.41]He is 22 years old, he's a male,
他今年22岁，他是一名男性 [00:18.01]And he looks like the genetic product of a giraffe having sex with Ellen DeGeneres.
而他看上去像是长颈鹿和Ellen Degeneres基因结合的产物 [00:24.91]He has a gigantic head and tiny nipples.
他有颗很大的脑袋，很小的乃子 [00:28.84]He's isolated himself over the last five years in pursuit of comedy and,
他为了追求喜剧，在过去五年里把自己与世隔绝 [00:35.49]In doing so, has lost touch with reality.
且正因如此，他已经脱离了与现实的联系 [00:42.83]You're an asshole, Bo. You hear me?
你就是个混蛋，Bo。你听到没？ [00:48.85]You think you know better than me.
你自以为你比我要见多识广 [00:51.98]You think you know better than everybody.
你自以为你比所有人都博学多识 [00:55.87]You will die alone, and you will deserve it.
你会孤独地死去，而且你也活该 [01:01.42]But in the meantime, you might as well tell those silly jokes of yours.
但与此同时，你不妨把你的那些愚蠢的笑话讲给大家听 [01:07.57]See if that helps.
看看这有什么用吧 [01:08.43] [01:10.03]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:11.47]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:13.55]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:14.96]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:16.49]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:17.92]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:19.38]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:20.85]Bo! Bo, Bo, Bo! [01:21.86] [01:22.01]You used to do comedy when you felt like being funny
你以前在做喜剧表演，那时的你觉得自己很有趣 [01:27.75]But now, you're contractually obligated
但现在你却是为了合同义务而表演 [01:30.64]So dance, you ****ing monkey
那就起舞吧，你个蠢猴子 [01:35.36]Dance, monkey, dance!
跳啊，猴子，给我跳起来 [01:37.17]Welcome to the show
欢迎来到这场秀 [01:38.39]This is Bo, this is his show
这就是Bo，这是他的节目秀 [01:40.06]And Bo likes to dance like this
Bo喜欢这样子跳舞 [01:43.46]Welcome to the show
欢迎来到这场节目秀 [01:44.12]This is Bo, this is his show
这是Bo，这是他的演出 [01:45.83]And Bo takes off his pants like this
Bo是这样脱裤子的 [01:49.19]Play an invisible drum
敲一下隐形的鼓（哒哒哒） [01:52.09]Play an invisible trumpet (Trumpet sound)
吹一下隐形的小号（真·小号声） [01:55.27]Drink some invisible water
喝几口隐形的水 [01:57.49]Oh shit , that water's real!
我去，那水是真的 [02:00.76] [02:01.32]Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
Bo想让你们感到自在 [02:04.32]Bo wants to make you feel comfortable (Random voice)
Bo想让你们感到舒适（随机的声音） [02:07.35]Bo wants to make you feel comfortable
Bo想让你们感到惬意 [02:09.10]So sit back, relax, and enjoy
那就坐好，放松，然后享受 [02:12.12]A healthy dose of
一剂健康的... [02:13.08]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(ー`´ー) [02:15.40]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(｀Д´) [02:19.24]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(;｀O´) [02:21.91]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(ﾉ｀⊿´) [02:25.08]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(｀^´) [02:28.19]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触 (｀ω´*) [02:31.10]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(^_−) [02:33.85]Prolonged eye contact
长时间眼神接触(*･ω< ) [02:35.36] [02:37.43]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(^し^) [02:40.52]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(≖ᴗ≖) [02:42.82]Prolonged eye contact (Prolonged eye contact)
长时间眼神接触(｀∀´) [02:46.00]Lick your lips to make it more comforting
舔舔你的嘴唇，让这个行为更加安逸 [02:48.98]Do you want to see a magic trick?
你想看魔术戏法吗？ [02:51.44]Do you want to see a magic trick?
你想看魔术戏法吗？ [02:54.26]Do you want to see a magic trick?
你想看魔术戏法吗？ [02:57.42]Then pick a card, any card
那就挑一张牌吧，哪一张都行... [03:00.12]Psych!
骗你的啦！ [03:01.39]Magic isn't real, you idiot (Read a book)
魔术都不是真的！你个蠢货！看点书吧！ [03:04.08]Magic isn't real, you idiot (Read a book)
魔术都不是真的！你个蠢货！看点书吧！ [03:06.94]Magic isn't real, you idiot (Read a book)
魔术都不是真的！你个蠢货！看点书吧！ [03:09.70]Magic isn't real
魔术都不是真的... [03:11.35]Or is it?
又或许，其实是真的？ [03:12.20] [03:16.52]And at that moment, Bo's 20-year old cynicism melted into childlike wonder.
在那一刻，20岁的Bo原有的愤世嫉俗化为孩童般的好奇心 [03:24.75]He never knew there could be so much magic in the world
他从未想过这世上竟然能有这么多魔力 [03:29.71]It's a world of possibilities, Bo. What do you want to do first?
这是一个充满可能性的世界啊，Bo。你想先做什么呢？ [03:35.90]Run? Yeah, sure you can run
奔跑？行啊，你当然可以奔跑 [03:38.76]Fly? Well, yeah, you can fly
飞翔？行啊，你也可以飞翔 [03:42.84]What? What are you— What the **** are you doing?
什么？你在干...你他喵的在干啥？ [03:46.26]What the **** are you doing?
你他喵的在干啥啊？ [03:47.61]Stop. S— Stop it.
住手！快-快住手啊！ [03:49.21]The fu— You ****ing idiot.
我他喵-你...你个蠢货！ [03:51.47]Stop. Stop. Stop
停停停！ [03:54.83]Anyways...
反正吧... [03:56.89] [03:57.04]In the distance, Bo saw a beautiful fairy
在远处，Bo看到了一只美丽的仙女 [03:59.82]A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud about being called one in high school
那只仙女是如此的美丽，以至于他不禁为自己在高中时被称作过“仙女”而感到自豪 [04:05.18]He then came across an old bridge with a troll standing guard
他接着穿过一座有巨人看守的古桥 [04:09.23]Bo knew that he'd have to answer a riddle to get by
Bo明白他必须答上一则谜语才能通过 [04:12.88]The troll spoke thus:
巨人如是说道： [04:15.99]"Alright, for the last time, man: I'm not a troll, I'm homeless.
好吧，我再说最后一次，我不是巨人，我是个无家可归的乞丐 [04:20.13]Okay, do you have any spare change?
懂了没？你有没有零钱？ [04:23.65]Okay, that's a used napkin. I don't want that.
呃，这是一张用过的餐巾，我不要这个... [04:26.49]No, no. Stop, just— You know what?
喂，喂，你住手，别-你猜怎么着？ [04:28.11]Leave. Just leave. Please leave."
走吧，你走吧，求你离我远点 [04:31.40] [04:31.75]And then, as Bo arrived on the other side of the stage
然后，当Bo走到舞台的另一侧 [04:38.10]He saw a unicorn, with five horns, right in front of him
他看到了一只头上长着五只角的独角兽站在他面前 [04:41.82]And the penta-corn spoke thus
然后五角兽如是说道： [04:47.35]"Hello, Bo
你好啊，Bo！ [04:50.08]I've been looking for you for quite a long ti—"
我已经找你找了好久...呃啊XP [04:52.03](*Gunshots*) (*Reloads Gun*) (*More Gunshots*)
（砰砰砰）（咔嚓咔嚓）（砰砰砰） [05:08.01]He was safe... for now.
他安全了...但只是暂时的 [05:11.50]But the dark thoughts would soon return
因为那些黑暗的想法终归会回来的 [05:17.47](It's Godzilla!)
（是哥斯拉！） [05:20.97](*Godzilla Shrieking*) (*Screaming*) (*Buildings Crashing*)
（呜啊）（啊啊啊）（哗啦哗啦） [05:41.34] [05:42.09]It's so hard to be a lizard
做一只蜥蜴真是太难啦 [05:48.58]It's hard to be a lizard (What did we do God? What did we do) (He killed my wife)
做一只蜥蜴太难啦（我们造了什么孽啊老天？我们做错啥了啊）（他杀了我的妻子） [05:54.91]Tiny arms, itchy gizzards ("That monster killed my wife! Why is he singing!?")
短小的上肢，发痒的砂囊（那个怪物杀了我的妻子！他为什么在唱歌啊！？） [06:01.19]It's hard to be a lizard (He's a monster) (Why!?)
做一只蜥蜴太难啦（他就是个怪物）（为什么啊！？） [06:08.50]But it's harder to segue
但是吧，做转场其实更难 [06:10.40]Is he skiing? Or is he in a gay porn?
他是在滑雪吗？还是在演GV呢？ [06:13.32]Is he skiing? What? Or is he in a gay porn?
他是在滑雪吗？啥？还是在演GV呢？ [06:15.83]Is he skiing? Huh? Or is he in a gay porn?
他是在滑雪吗？蛤？还是在演GV呢？ [06:18.44]Here's a hint
给你个提示 [06:21.23]He's in a gay porn
他正在演GV哟 [06:22.14] [06:22.34]Okay Bo, this miming shit is getting pretty annoying
好了，Bo，这出戏开始变得有些烦人了 [06:26.49]So give them the real thing
快给大家展现你真正的绝活吧 [06:28.21]My voice is so ****ing natural
我的嗓音是真特么的自然啊~ [06:33.77]It's naturally good naturally good
这是先天的优势，自然的动听 [06:38.64]Naturally good
优雅而不做作的好听 [06:41.75]This is the end of the song at the beginning of the show
这就是这首歌的结尾，也是这场秀的开场 [06:45.12]Welcome to the show!
欢迎来到这场节目秀！ [06:46.32] [07:01.51]That lizard part was pretty ****ing stupid
那段蜥蜴表演真是太特么弱智了 [07:06.44]We're uh- recording part of the CD tonight
我们-呃-今晚正在录制CD [07:08.40]And yeah, good to start off with 8 minutes of mime jokes, for the CD
然后...对，用八分钟的哑剧笑话来录制CD做开头还真是挺好的哈 [07:14.55]I want to start off with a joke for the fellas
我想先给伙计们讲个笑话 [07:16.55]I don't feel like I connect with my men in the audience
我感受不到我与观众席里的兄弟们之间的联系 [07:18.60]As well as I do with my, uh, prepubescent girls
就像我对待那些，呃，年轻幼美的女孩们一样 [07:22.68]Where my fellas at!? Fellas!?
我的伙计们在哪里！？伙计们！？ [07:26.30]Yo fellas, don't you hate it when you're sucking a guy's dick
哟伙计们，当你为一个男的吹笛子，最后却发现他是个同 [07:28.90]And he ends up being a bitch?
你难道不讨厌吗？ [07:30.50]Am I right?
我说的没错吧？ [07:31.26]These ****ing niggaz with their tasty dicks
那些该死的homo们和他们可口的香肠 [07:34.03]Alright, um-
好吧，嗯- [07:35.93] [07:38.72]If you'd like to leave during the show
如果你在这场节目秀期间想离开的话 [07:40.13]The exit signs are marked clearly in red
出口的标志清晰地标着红色 [07:43.11]Sort of an orangish, reddish, fiery red
有点像是一种又橙又微妙又火的红 [07:45.67]So we'll be ****ed if we need them
所以如果真出了意外的话我们就完蛋啦 [07:46.81]But we can see them now!
但是我们现在就能见识一下这种情况！ [07:54.39]Um, this show is called "what."
嗯，这场节目秀叫《什么》 [07:56.61]And I hope there's some surprises-
而我希望能带来些惊喜- [07:59.63]Accidentally knocks over water bottle
不小心把水打翻了 [08:01.13]Oh
噢 [08:01.52] [08:01.77]He meant to knock the water over
他本来就打算把水打翻 [08:02.88]Yeah, yeah, yeah
耶-耶-耶 [08:03.77]But you all thought it was an accident
但你们都以为那是个意外 [08:05.63]But he meant to knock the water over
而他本来就打算把水打翻 [08:07.84]Yeah, yeah, yeah
耶-耶-耶 [08:08.85]Art is a lie
艺术就是个谎言！ [08:09.75]NOTHING IS REAL
什么都不是真的！ [08:11.15]So it's called "what."
所以这场秀叫《什么》 [08:12.10]And uh, it's about
然后，呃，这是关于 [08:13.25]Hey, cool it
嘿，别激动 [08:14.26] [08:14.46]He meant to knock the water over
他本来就打算把水打翻 [08:15.58]Yeah, yeah, yeah
耶-耶-耶 [08:16.73]But you all thought it was an acc-
但你们都以为那是个- [08:18.34]Take it off repeat, it won't
就，把重复的切掉，这段就不会重复了 [08:21.89]This is the good thing
这倒是挺好的 [08:22.55]We can edit all this
我们全部可以进行剪辑 [08:23.25]In the actual CD recor-
哪怕是在现场CD录制- [08:24.47] [08:24.71]He meant to play the track again
他本来就打算把这段再放一遍 [08:25.86]Yeah, yeah, yeah
耶-耶-耶 [08:26.91]But you all thought it was an accident
但你们都以为那是个意外 [08:28.77]But he meant to play the water track a-
但他本来就打算把这段再放一 [08:31.22]Gain, gain, gain
遍-遍-遍 [08:32.07]Art's still a lie
艺术仍然是个谎言！ [08:33.42]NOTHING'S STILL REAL
一切依然是假的！ [08:34.43] [08:34.65]What's the deal with segues?
这样转场你们有意见吗？ [08:36.06]Uh, food jokes
呃，食物笑话 [08:36.92]Let's do some food jokes
咱们来讲点跟食物有关的段子吧 [08:40.12]How you guys doing in the nosebleeds?
你们大伙儿流鼻血的时候会怎么做？ [08:41.41]Up-top?
鼻子冲上对吧？ [08:44.30]Yes, the nosebleeds
没错，流鼻血的位置 [08:45.87]Where the **** is done
也就是要嗑嗨时吸的地方 [08:47.06]I had a hot dog for breakfast in Madison actually this morning
我早餐吃了一条热狗，就在Madison，今早吃的 [08:52.92]Yeah, afterwards I felt like this
对，然后我的感受就像这样 [08:55.02](Picks up stool and swings it around)
呜啊-呜啊（拿起椅子甩来甩去） [08:59.05]Because I couldn't control my stools
因为我控制不了我的椅子/便便 [09:00.32]Alright, Jesus
不行嘛？真是的~ [09:06.58]For the people listening, I moved the stool around a lot.
向正在听的听众们解释一下，我甩了一好会儿椅子/把这坨便便挪了一大段 [09:12.06]This is going to get difficult.
这双关解释起来感觉不太妙啊 [09:15.22]But I'm glad you like poop-based puns; they'll be a majority of the show.
但看到你们都喜欢以便便为主的双关笑话，我还是挺高兴的。这个主题将会是这场秀大部分的基调，所以... [09:20.69]Never waste a moment!
永远不要浪费时间！ [09:22.00]Every moment could become a comedy moment!
任何时刻都能成为一个喜剧片段 [09:24.10]See, thank you so much
瞧见没？非常感谢你们 [09:27.01]I um-
我，呃-