16 Tons-LeAnn Rimes

[00:02.600]00:00.00]English as a Crazy Language [00:09.950]00:10.28]Let ’s face it —English is a crazy language. [00:15.230]00:16.73]There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; [00:21.590]00:21.43]neither apple nor pine in pineapple. [00:23.850]00:24.71]English muffins weren ’t invented in England or French fries in France. [00:30.280]00:30.41]Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,which aren ’t sweet,are meat. [00:36.900]00:36.97]We take English for granted. [00:39.650]00:39.81]But if we explore its paradoxes, [00:42.00]00:42.43]we find that quicksand can work slowly, [00:46.430]00:45.61]boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. [00:53.600]00:52.39]If the plural of tooth is teeth, [00:55.410]00:55.89]why isn ’t the plural of booth beeth? [01:00.780]00:59.98]One goose,two geese. [01:01.840]01:02.61]So one moose,two meese? [01:04.210]01:05.13]Doesn ’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, [01:09.770]01:11.14]that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? [01:13.600]01:15.95]If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, [01:22.210]01:21.53]what do you call it? [01:24.650]01:23.28]Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum [01:28.590]01:29.50]for the verbally insane. [01:30.510]01:31.04]In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? [01:36.80]01:36.95]Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? [01:41.120]01:41.43]Have noses that run and feet that smell? [01:45.970]01:45.70]Park on driveways and drive on parkways? [01:50.270]01:51.50]How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, [01:56.680]01:56.75]while a wise man and wise guy are opposite? [02:01.860]02:01.67]How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? [02:07.290]02:08.56]English was invented by people,not computers, [02:11.400]02:12.83]and it reflects the creativity of the human race. [02:16.130]02:16.54]That is why,when the stars are out,they are visible, [02:20.120]02:20.81]but when the lights are out,they are invisible. [02:23.680]02:24.31]And why,when I wind up my watch,I start it, [02:29.300]02:28.58]but when I wind up this essay,I end it.