Natalie’s Rap 2.0-The Lonely Island/Natalie Portman

[00:00.71]We're here today with film star Natalie Portman. [00:03.19]Now, Natalie, the last time you were here, [00:05.40]I heard things got a little out of control. [00:07.26]Yeah, well, I was going through a really weird time then. [00:09.30]But... I've matured a lot. [00:10.78]Why don't you fill us in on what it's like to be you? [00:13.02]Okay, ya bish. [00:13.86]I'm sorry, what? [00:14.57]Yeah, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman, Portman [00:17.88]******* your husband and his best friend just for sport, man [00:20.54]Mess around and made this same song twice [00:23.19]Here's bosh now eat your condos, leave is right [00:26.67]You know it's clickbait, clickbait, clickbait [00:28.99]Put a dildo on a switchblade, switchblade, switchblade (Woo!) [00:31.93]Xannies dissolving in my Pinot [00:34.83]My man dance, but he's not a ballerino [00:37.69]Yeah, he twinkle his toes, but he give me good D, though [00:41.98]Wrap a good burrito [00:43.28]Tide Pods only ******* thing I snack on [00:46.21]Black out and go mother******* Black Swan [00:49.42]Ooh these dudes I slash 'em fix your past your boy [00:52.36]I come upside your head with my ************* NASCAR boy [00:55.12]My Brain gone off that ******* Ayahuasca, boy [00:57.99]Tell your tourist parents [00:59.04]I'ma turn you into a foster boy! [01:00.91]Wow, I gotta say it seems like [01:02.58]You're almost exactly the same, [01:04.34]But with current references. [01:05.75]Untrue. I'm a mother now. [01:07.40]It's really changed my perspective. [01:08.79]And do you find it difficult juggling kids and a career? [01:11.20]You can juggle these nuts. [01:12.41]What? [01:12.85]I don't dance now, I make mommy moves [01:15.04]When I gave birth, I didn't even push [01:18.11]I was blazed out, smoking bomb kush [01:21.00]And when my water broke, you know it drowned the doctor [01:26.74]They say I'm ***-positive [01:28.84]Hell yeah, I'm positive [01:30.30]That you're going down while I'm bumping "My Prerogative" [01:33.13]Tell me why [01:35.17]Ha, I guess I'm showing my age [01:37.21]Now bend over and spread them because you about to get ******* [01:40.03](Damn!) [01:40.52]Fascinating stuff. Now I have to ask, Natalie, [01:42.98]Have you seen the new Star Wars movies? [01:44.51]No [01:44.93]Oh, well they're really good! They're much better than... [01:46.56]Better than what? [01:47.15]*************t [01:49.09]Say something 'bout the mother******* prequels, [01:52.61]*************! (They were good!) [01:53.56]Say something ******* nice about Jar-Jar Binks (He's tall?) [01:57.53]Now kiss him right on his seventeen *************s (What?) [02:01.11]While I sit dead on your face and take a *************t [02:04.58]Oh, Natalie... Yeah? [02:09.43]Please come meet your baby [02:13.10]He cries himself to sleep every night [02:16.61]That little *************t ain't mine! [02:18.19]Oh, Natalie... What? [02:20.80]It's been twelve long years [02:23.65]Shut the ************* up! [02:24.73]And I'm seven days sober, I swear on his life! [02:29.57]You're a mess, Carl. [02:30.80]Okay, well, that's all the time we have. [02:33.53]Natalie, one last question—do you think those [02:36.09]"Time's Up" pins have had the impact that you were hoping for? AH! [02:39.62]How's that for impact? [02:41.21]Well, actually — oh, no. [02:44.74]No more questions.