Earth-Mount Eerie

[00:00.24]I don't want to live with this feeling any longer than I have to [00:05.43]But also I don't want you to be gone [00:11.91]So I talk about you all the time [00:15.55]Including the last day you were alive [00:20.45]And I hang your pictures around my house [00:24.67]For me to surprise myself with and cry [00:31.07]Everybody that used to know us seems concerned [00:44.90]But if they knew that when you went through my mind [00:49.20]I'm full of the love that illuminated our house for all those years [00:55.40]And made this dancing child who tears through the days [01:00.32]With a brilliance you would have deepened and sang along with [01:06.68]But you're sleeping out in the yard now [01:15.61]What am I saying [01:17.97]No one is sleeping [01:22.92]You don't even have a dead body anymore it was taken away [01:29.34]I went and wrote a check [01:30.93]And got a cardboard box full of your ashes [01:34.73]And a little plastic bag with your necklace [01:37.71]And I drove back home truly alone [01:43.47]I guess I didn't bury you deep enough [01:46.65]When I poured out your ashes beneath the three witch hazels [01:54.76]That you planted in the yard a few years ago in a triangle for us [02:03.88]Where me and the kid were rolling in the grass the other day [02:08.46]And I saw actual chunks of your bones [02:14.50]Bleached and weathered unerasable [02:21.64]You're still out there in the spring upheaving [02:28.58]Coming out of the ground into air [02:32.23]Is that exact fragment your finger [02:34.88]That once caressed me not that long ago [02:39.13]I still can feel it [02:41.56]And is that other shard a piece of your skull [02:45.93]That once contained the wild brain that used to overflow with loving [02:54.61]Undiscovered and gone [02:58.34]And now just shrapnel remains [03:08.70]Earth [03:39.35]Another place I poured your ashes out [03:41.89]Was on a chair on top of a mountain pointed at the sunset [03:48.05]I went back there last week after years passed [03:51.52]And noticed the chunks of your bones that haven't been blown away [03:56.26]Are indistinguishable from the other pieces of animal bones [04:01.36]Brought there by coyotes vultures and gods [04:06.16]Against my will I felt a little bit of solace creeping in [04:11.10]But I laid there on the moss [04:14.33]Compost and memory [04:20.42]There's nothing else [04:32.82]I can hear wolves in the throne room singing [04:36.15]I will lay down my bones among the rocks and roots [04:49.93]At night I sit and picture myself curled up beneath [04:53.36]Ten feet of water at the bottom of the lake [04:57.68]I imagined trout bumping against me in the low diminished light [05:02.46]Holding my breath trying to be a boulder [05:07.12]Eroding to join you in re mingling with a background [05:15.86]Of churned muck coalescing in the dark [05:20.22]But to get ground back down to matter only [05:24.81]Eternal and dumb becoming not a thing [05:33.07]Abdicating form