Cleaning Out My Closet-Angel Haze

[00:09.18]Now, this might get a little personal [00:11.92]Or a lot actually Parental discretion is advised [00:19.91]When I was 10, *************t, I believed I could fly [00:23.61]I would just flap my ******g arms and meet with the sky [00:26.80]And in my mind I would invision I was speaking with God [00:33.05]But this is just a ******g portion of the war with my mind [00:33.30]And then I chop his ******g fist off and beat him with mine [00:33.69]So I'm a take you ******s back into the vortex of time [00:39.75]When I was 7 invision me at the bottom of stairs [00:42.74]And I silently swear that this is the truth no falacy here [00:45.78]See I was young man... I was just a toddler a kid [00:49.17]And he wasn't the first to successfully try what he did [00:52.31]He took me to the ba******t and after the lights would be cut [00:55.64]He whipped it out in sight of my eyes and forced his ******* through my gut [00:58.88]See it was weird because I felt that I was losing my mind [01:02.08]And then it happened like it happened like milions of times [01:05.31]And I would swear that I would tell but then they'd think I was lying [01:08.80]And now the power that he held was like a beacon in mine [01:11.79]So now I got used to it, I put up with the *************t [01:14.97]And now my hate was so Vocanicly eruptive and *************t [01:18.27]But this is nothing 'cause I guess he told his friend what he do [01:21.60]And they ate it up *************t I was like a buffet for 2 [01:24.64]And then it happened then at home where everybody ******g knew [01:28.03]And they ain't do *************t but ******g blame it on youth [01:31.27]I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you [01:34.51]But even you by then wouldn't know what to do [01:37.64]And now it happened so often that he was getting particular [01:41.19]And I more scared every time I worked in my speed and ventricular [01:44.53]One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed [01:47.41]He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs [01:50.93]He told me [01:51.89]"Hey ray, I see you like them popsicle sticks [01:54.22]So put your mouth on my ************* and suck and swallow the spit"***（ [01:57.52]And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said [02:00.65]I had no idea the affect it would have on my head [02:03.83]My heart was pumping it was stumping with like tons of my fear [02:07.22]Imagine being 7 seeing cum in yo underwear [02:10.26]I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my butt [02:13.46]Disgusting right, now let that feeling ring through your guts [02:16.59]I thought of offing myself I thought of killing these *************s [02:20.24]Wanted to take a ******g brick and push their teeth through their liver [02:23.27]Wanted to smash like the ******g world and burn it's leftover part [02:26.41]Wanted to rip it out and just ******g step on my heart [02:29.44]Then I grew up and I wasn't within a reach of these men [02:32.83]But that didn't keep out of mother******g reach of my sin [02:36.18]And psychologically I was just as ****** as they come [02:39.12]I was confused I had to prove I wasn't ****** from the jump [02:42.45]I was afraid of myself I had no love for myself [02:45.60]I tried to kill I tried to hide I tried to run from myself [02:48.99]There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was [02:52.17]So I create the other people I would try to become [02:55.37]***uality came into play and with as scarred as I was [02:58.90]I was extremely scared of men so I start liking girls [03:00.67]I started starving myself ****** up my bodily health [03:05.58]I didn't want to be attractive to nobody else [03:08.41]I didn't want the appeal wanted to stop my own growth [03:11.60]But there's a ******g reason behind every scar that I show [03:14.99]I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow [03:18.63]My mental state is out of date and that's how far as I know [03:21.67]My biggest problem was fear what being fearful could do and [03:24.80]It made me run it made me hide it made me scared of the truth [03:27.95]I'm not deranged anymore I'm not the same anymore [03:31.04]I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before [03:34.63]I had to deal with my *************t I had to look at my truth [03:37.66]To understand that to grow you gotta look at your root [03:40.81]I had to cut off the dead I had to make myself proud [03:44.25]And I'm just standing breathing living proof look at me now [03:47.49]I made it through everything I made you look like a clown [03:50.63]I'm ******g great k ******g hate you ************* look at me now [03:53.87]And I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground [03:57.26]The makings of a legend is often hiden in thorns [04:00.87]So just be strong and just move on and just accept what you can [04:03.55]Because it makes your story better when you read it, the end [04:07.46]That's the story of every scar that I show [04:13.48]I made it out this a mean nobody's goten before [04:16.82]I had to open my wounds I had to bleed till I stop [04:20.06]Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet [04:23.34]I said I opened my wounds I had to bleed till I stop [04:26.84]Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet