Bo' Fo' Sho-Bo Burnham

[00:00.000] [00:15.308] Walking my poodles, man it never gets old [00:17.344]When my dog's on my leash I got b*****s on the hold [00:19.559] A first A.I.D.S. kit? That's a rhesus monkey [00:21.942] I bust more n**s than a pistachio junkie alright [00:24.634] I get more ass than a giant donkey stable [00:26.793] Got more lines than Whitney Houston's coffee table [00:29.100] I get more head than grammar school lice [00:30.994] I'm like a walking glacier, I'm so decked out with ice [00:33.387] Did you poop a virgin, 'cuz that shit is tight [00:35.641] Jack ain't Black and Barry ain't White [00:37.826] I do drugs in the bedroom [00:39.260] Lie on your back [00:40.134] 'Cuz I gots the pipe and you gots the crack [00:42.377] Though I'm sexual ly straight, you're bound to find [00:44.872] I'm mentally gay, 'cuz I'll blow your mind [00:47.256] The parents be snickering, "He shouldn't have written it," [00:49.594] But I'm constipated--couldn't give a shit [00:52.015] [01:00.778] My name is Bo, fo sho, a born Bostonian [01:03.161] Aryan librarian and the wordsmith--sonian [01:05.866] The rap is scattered, it has its ingenuity [01:07.711] I gave it this little part to give it continuity [01:09.993] [01:14.014] And the fellas say, "Hey moron, pass the gin," [01:16.655] 'Cuz I'm an oxymoron breathing oxygen [01:19.010] Give me the bottle, I'll chug two thirds [01:21.329]'Cuz you b*****s know fractions speak louder than words [01:24.062] [01:27.849] And the ladies say, "Hey fellas, I'm keeping it tight [01:30.366] And if you play your cards right, you can have me tonight [01:32.705] Should I blow you or beat you, brass or percussion [01:35.221] Oh stop, period, end of discussion [01:37.472] [01:41.834] My name is Bo, fo sho, a born Bostonian [01:44.181] Aryan librarian and the wordsmith--sonian [01:46.782] The rap is scattered, it has its ingenuity [01:48.771] I gave it this little part to give it continuity [01:51.004] [01:51.463] Walking through the garden with food at my feet [01:53.432] Picked up the celery but dropped the beet [01:55.517] [01:56.818] And then I picked it up [01:58.455] [02:01.773] Let's end this thing right [02:02.995] [02:06.030] We're in the hood, I'll take what you give me [02:07.832] Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively [02:09.735] A smart queen's kingdom? It doesn't mix [02:11.487]Illiterate literates, a bunch of Moby d**ks [02:13.568] Get thee to a punnery, oh just a feel yah [02:15.501] Take you with a condom, stainless steel yah [02:17.537] Half a pound of turkey breast, half a pound of chicken t**s [02:19.836] Why are only crackers staying at the Ritz? [02:21.804] Poverty, racism, isn't it strange? [02:23.539] Only the homeless are begging for change [02:25.404] A shocked Sherlock. What, son? [02:27.373] Roza Parks didn't call shotgun [02:29.417] Well here's a bit of irony: a Ford Focus driver's got A.D.D [02:33.338] How'd I come to master all of these things? [02:35.163] Like a tampon thief, I had to pull some strings [02:37.199] [02:39.846] I had to pull some strings! [02:41.155] [02:44.749] That's a rap!