Welcome to Youtube-Bo Burnham

[00:00.000] [00:13.933] Before YouTube I walked through life, and now I frolic [00:24.824] YouTube's been like a father to me [00:26.819] Except YouTube's not an alcoholic [00:35.842] Before YouTube I was just a skinny white kid [00:37.943] That thought he was funnier and cooler [00:39.740] Than he actually was [00:45.288] And now, well not much has changed [00:49.319] But I have a shitload of money [00:54.969] Because YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas [00:59.221] If by people you mean 13-year-old girls [01:01.857] And by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers [01:04.711] I'm just kidding [01:05.458] But let's be honest, that's a hefty majority [01:09.598] And if you don't believe me [01:11.003] Well then you must be a noob [01:14.490] So, welcome to YouTube [01:15.702] And you don't know what you're missing [01:17.009] Just try searching "Women Kissing" [01:19.462] It's YouTube [01:20.261] It's what this country's been needing [01:21.414] A generation of kids who don't waste their time reading [01:24.145] Am I the only one who thinks that Lisa Nova's hot? [01:27.562] And Chris Crocker's not... [01:29.300] No, he's hotter [01:38.253] Most of the best YouTubers are either Asian or they're gay [01:42.328] So there's an untapped YouTube celebrity [01:44.573] And his name is George Takei [01:46.875] And your favorite coat's got a doo-doo stain [01:48.927] I pray to god that that's chocolate rain [01:51.562] And I find videos of babies laughing a bit intrusive [01:55.657] Because Barack Obama won the election because of YouTube [02:01.219] Wait, did I say YouTube? I meant the black vote [02:05.824] And I think YouTube and Fred are so cool! [02:10.168] And What The Buck will be back in a Jiffy Lube [02:15.193] So, welcome to YouTube [02:19.802] Welcome to YouTube [02:23.623] Hey, welcome to YouTube! [02:25.673] I said, listen and linger [02:26.842] Charlie the Unicorn bit my finger! [02:29.220] It's YouTube [02:30.236] The impact is evident [02:31.432] Miss Teen South Carolina just ran for Vice President [02:34.176] Upload a video, you got nothing to lose [02:37.244] Except all of your friends [02:41.062] And the approval of your parents [02:47.255] "Hi, my name is Mary, and I'm 19 years old and I got drunk at a party, and I think someone was video-taping it, but I don't want anyone to see it, 'cause I showed half of my boob" [02:54.984] Sorry, Mary! [02:55.517] Welcome to YouTube [02:59.584] Say "Hello" to YouTube [03:03.342] And say goodbye to your college scholarship [03:09.538] And if your video doesn't appeal to me [03:12.337] You gotta change the key... word [03:15.486] Welcome to YouTube, oh [03:19.857] I said welcome to YouTube, yeah [03:25.075] And it will keep on going and it'll never stop no [03:29.229] Until it's privatized