Rehab Center for Fictional Characters-Bo Burnham

[00:00.000] [00:07.546] Uh well, hello everyone! [00:08.858] Welcome to the Rehab Center for Fictional Characters [00:11.763] Um, alright [00:12.983] Let's just get right to it [00:13.758] Who wants to start us off? [00:14.794] How 'bout you Kris? [00:16.344] Um, alright [00:17.943] Hey, I'm Kris Kringle [00:19.696]I'm a sex addict [00:21.622] Hey I'm Santa Claus, I'm the king of snow [00:25.077] I hate my wife because she's a ho, ho, ho [00:31.704] She used to please me every day, then she made it clear [00:35.554] That Santa's only supposed to come once a year [00:39.733]Mother****ing shit [00:42.381] Now I buy whores, rock and roll [00:45.634] And I stuff their stockings with my north pole [00:48.852] Okay Kris, thank you! [00:50.018] Alright, who's up next? [00:52.027] Patrick, frowny face! [00:53.553] Get up here [00:54.629] Alright [00:55.663] I'm Patrick O'Reilly, I'm a leprechaun [00:57.983] You all doin' good? [00:59.502] Yeah, I'm not doing so good [01:02.460] I had a wonderful life, with a healthy household [01:06.148] And beautiful wife, and a pot full of gold... hah [01:16.186]Then my wife spent my riches all by herself, and since women are b*****s, blew a Keebler elf... Ugh [01:26.073] Now I drink all day and a part of me dies [01:29.412] 'Cause my wife's gettin' g*******ged by the Rice Krispie guys [01:33.218] Hey I know them! [01:34.205] Oh, Tony, nice of you to show up [01:36.004] Where were you last week? [01:37.363] I had some stuff [01:38.548] Hey, I'm Tony the Tiger [01:40.511]Uh, **** it I'll just sing [01:43.140] Every day I wake up, I get to work late [01:46.289] My boss says, "Hey, whats up?" [01:48.271] I say that I'm grrrrrrrrowing tired of this shit [01:56.220] The kids they laugh, 'cause I'm a sensitive cat [01:59.693]Big d**ks! [02:00.919] I can't argue with that [02:06.200] If another kid gives me Frosted Flakes [02:09.609] I swear on my life I'll... eat his parents [02:13.073] Okay, Ton, thank you [02:14.785] Um, so that's everybody [02:16.978] So let's just get down to it, um [02:19.131] Oh, who are you? [02:20.217] Hi, yeah, hi, yeah, hi, yeah [02:23.221] I'm the Easter Bunny, hey I'm back! [02:24.773] Used to be funny, now I'm hooked on crack [02:26.674] Heaps of h****ne ain't no joke, Marshmallow Peeps covered in coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke-coke [02:33.000] COKE! [02:36.591] Drugs for life, that's my plan, but now I have no attention span [02:40.814] Okay, I'm gonna go get him, alright? [02:42.327] You guys, just please play nice, alright? [02:44.242] I'll be back in a second, okay? [02:46.390] Hey Pat, did you hear? All my elves got sick [02:49.954] I think they got herpes from some Irish chick [02:52.922]Bo Burnham", "c":"Rehab Center for Fictional Characters", "c":"Bo Burnham", "c":"**** yo [02:54.757] What are you laughin' at, Tony? [02:55.991] I dunno [02:56.683] It's, uh... It's funny [02:58.682] This is gettin' ridiculous [03:00.421] Santa, Tony, would you guys please stop? [03:03.600] Oh, snap! [03:05.467] Crackle and Pop [03:06.980] Haha, 'cause they banged your wife [03:09.301] I'm gettin' out of here [03:10.442]This is ****ing ridiculous, huh [03:13.554]