Close But No Cigar-Weird Al Yankovic

[00:04.87]Album:Straight Outta Lynwood [00:07.78]Jillian was her name [00:10.58]She was sweeter than aspartame [00:14.08]Her kisses reconfigured my DNA [00:17.87]And after that I never was the same [00:21.95]And I loved her even more [00:25.31]Than Marlon Brando loved souffle [00:28.49]She was gorgeous, she was charming [00:32.01]Yeah, she was perfect in every way [00:36.14]Except she was always using the word "infer" [00:40.02]When she obviously meant "imply" [00:43.94]And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing [00:47.40]But frankly, I can't imagine why [00:50.67]And I told her, I said [00:51.87]"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey? [00:55.18]No, I don't think we are! [00:58.02]You're close! (Close!) [01:00.34]But no cigar!" [01:03.76]Yankovic-Close But No Cigar [01:07.00]Then I met sweet young Janet [01:09.43]Prettiest thing on the planet [01:13.12]Had a body hotter than a habanjero [01:17.49]She had lips like a ripe pomegranate [01:20.82]And I was crazy like Manson about her [01:23.97]She got me all choked up like Momma Cass [01:28.35]She had a smile so incredibly radiant [01:31.44]You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass [01:35.62]I thought after all these years of searching around [01:39.40]I'd found my soulmate finally [01:42.55]But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy [01:46.99]Of Joe Dirt on DVD [01:49.81]Oh, no! I said [01:50.96]"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo? [01:54.89]No I don't think we are! [01:57.32]You're close! (Close!) [01:59.75]Oh, so very close! (Close!) [02:03.92]Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!) [02:07.01]So close! [02:08.94]But no cigar!" [02:15.99](Oh, yeah!) [02:19.63](Oh, no!) [02:22.30](Oh, yeah!) [02:25.09](Oh, no!) [02:26.71](ALL RIGHT!) [02:30.69][Hand claps, trumpet solo] [02:35.66]Julie played water polo [02:37.97]She wore a ribbon on her left manolo [02:42.16]She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near [02:46.00]My heart was beating like a Buddy Rif solo [02:49.91]And she was everything I've dreamed of [02:53.42]She moved right up to #1 on my list [02:56.96]And did I mention she's a world famous billionare [03:00.65]Bikini supermodel astrophysicist [03:04.34]Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron [03:07.94]Look like a big fat slobbering pig [03:11.57]The only caveat is one of her earlobes [03:15.66]Was just a little tiny bit too big [03:18.72]I said [03:19.89]"Hey! Are we doing government work here? [03:23.31]No I don't think we are! [03:25.89]You're close! (Close!) [03:28.35]So very, very close! (Close!) [03:32.25]Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!) [03:36.07]So close! [03:37.21]But no cigar!" [03:39.76]Missed it by that much! (No cigar!) [03:42.22]Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!) [03:45.89]Really, really, really close! (No cigar!)