Philosophy / Religion / College / Language-Steve Martinmp3下载无损flac下载
Philosophy / Religion / College / Language-Steve Martin在线试听免费歌词下载
[00:00.000] 作词 : Steve Martin
[00:00.101] 作曲 : Steve Martin
[00:00.203]But I am into the intellectual thing.
不过我的确对知识 智慧这些 很感兴趣 [00:01.797]I went to college. I studied the great philosophers.
我去大学 学习著名哲学家 [00:04.452]Socretes. I studied "Platoe." You know, you learn the important things.
“苏格里拉” “百拉图” 他们都很重要 哲学很重要 [00:12.634]Like, if you're studying geology which is all facts,
你想 如果你学的是地质学 学的都是些事实 [00:14.762]as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, you know? Because it's just numbers and things,
你一毕业 就忘得精光 因为都是数据啊 很死的东西 [00:18.959]but philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.
但是哲学嘛 你记得的东西份量 刚刚好能把你之后的人生毁掉 [00:24.008]Then you studied the important like ethical questions:
你还会学一些重要的道德问题啦 [00:26.663]is it ok to yell "movie" in a crowded fire house?
能不能在一个人挤人的着火院里 大喊“电影了” [00:31.179]Uh, religious questions. Does the Pope shit in the woods?
宗教问题 教皇会不会在森林里随地大小便？ [00:40.474]I keep waiting sometime.
我总是在等待 [00:47.387]If there is a god give me a sign.
如果神存在 就给我一个信号吧 [00:51.104]See? I told you [unintelligible gibberish]
你看？我告诉过你 [01:01.141]Wouldn't it be weird if you died, and you woke up,
会不会很奇怪啊 假如你死了 然后你醒来 [01:03.798]and you were in heaven, just like they always told you?
到了天堂 就像他们总跟你说的那样 [01:08.044]Everybody had wings on and pearly gates.
大家都有翅膀 天国之门 [01:12.559]Wouldn't you feel stupid?
你会不会感觉 自己蠢爆了 [01:16.278]"Oh no. You mean that this is what....?"
“别吧 你是说 这就是……？ [01:20.261]Awww. In college they said this was all bullshit.
啊 大学里面说 这些都是瞎扯淡” [01:28.240]Oooh then, well, I'll just come in.
呃啊 好吧 那我直接进来就是了 [01:31.685]What? You've been keeping records on me?
啥？你们一直有记录我的言行举止？ [01:36.205]"Well, I wasn't so bad. How many times did I take the Lord's name in vain?"
我也不算太糟啦 我有多少次“徒然取主之名”？ [01:41.520]Ooooh. Million and six?
哎呦 一百万零六次？ [01:45.765]Jesus Chri-"
看在耶稣的——” [01:56.654]We're going to get to the meat of the act pretty soon. I'm just kind of coasting here.
我们马上就进入重点了 我前面都是在引入 [01:58.511]What do you want for four dollars? A real show or something?
你就花了四美元 能买到啥？能买到一场真的单口吗？ [02:04.886]I don't need this, you know what I mean?
我不需要这个 懂吧 [02:08.606]I'm a neat guy
我是乖宝宝～ [02:12.860]More wine.
上酒！ [02:21.360]Ahh, it's so hard, it's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean?
最近 最近要相信什么真的太难了 你懂我的意思吗？ [02:25.078]It's like, religion, I mean you can't really take it seriously
你想 宗教 没办法特别正经严肃地看待它 [02:27.734]because it seems so mythological, and it seems so arbitrary.
因为它太神秘了 又太说一不二了 [02:31.192]And then on the other hand science, you know, is just pure empiricism
另一方面 科学 你知道吧 就是纯粹的经验主义 [02:34.640]and by virtue of its method it excludes metaphysics.
而它的方法论的本质 排除了形而上学 [02:40.227]And uh, I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if not for my lucky astrology mood watch.
我估计 我这阵子什么都不会相信了 要不是有我的幸运占星心情手表 [02:55.623]College. You feel so small, you know.
大学 你在里面会感觉很渺小 知道吧 [02:58.552]You go to college, you study about guys like Leonardo, who did everything.
你去上大学 学习伟人的事迹 像列奥纳多·达芬奇 全才 [03:03.861]A scientist. A pai-, a great, a great painter. A great architect and designer.
科学家 伟大的画家 建筑师 设计师 [03:09.966]And you feel like an idiot.
相比之下 你像个傻子 [03:11.829]I wanted to expand my life in the way that Leonardo did,
我想让我的人生像列奥纳多一样充盈 [03:17.144]and that's why I took up juggling.
这就是为什么 我开始学杂耍 [03:21.393]I know what you're saying, you're saying,
我知道你想说什么 你想说 [03:23.513]Steve, where do you find time to juggle?
“Steve 你是怎么抽时间学杂耍的呀？” [03:29.624]Well, I juggle in my mind.
是这样的 我在脑内杂耍 [03:35.207]Whoops. Ok, um.
哎呀 不小心弄掉了 [03:42.904]But people look at guys, like, like the Mona Lisa, hahaha, Leonardo's Mona Lisa,
人们去看蒙娜丽莎 列奥纳多的蒙娜丽莎 [03:49.543]and they think, "Ohh, that's not so great."
内心暗想 “噢 也没那么牛嘛” [03:52.206]But not a lot of people know this: the Mona Lisa was painted with one stroke.
但是很少人知道：蒙娜丽莎是一笔画完的 [03:59.903]He just went pllft, "How's this?"
他就 [04:03.623]Ok, I'm sorry, alright, ok, ok. Ahhhh.
好的 不好意思 没事 好的好的 啊啊 [04:11.591]Excuse me, just went to the Bahamas for a second.
抱歉 刚才走神走到巴哈马群岛去了 [04:15.842]Well, anyway. I guess you can tell that, uh I'm into language.
言归正传 你应该能看出来 我研究语言 [04:21.952]Language is kinda my thing being a comedian.
语言是我作为喜剧演员的专长 [04:24.608]And uh, if you don't have a command of the language, nothing to be embarrassed about but,
如果没办法很好掌握语言 也没什么好尴尬的 [04:28.063]because this is my profession and let's face it: some people have a way with words, and other people
因为我靠这个吃饭 咱们得面对现实：有些人能说会道 另外一些 [04:44.000]oh, not have a way.
不能说会道 [04:51.176]See I'm into language. You have to have a command of the English language or you're just nowhere.
我喜欢语言 你得掌握英语 要不然生活处处碰壁 [04:55.426]Say you get out college or whatever you're doing.
比方说 你毕业了 [04:58.078]You're gonna go into business; say you're going to open a bank.
要进军商业 想开个银行 [05:01.264]Now you, just for example, you've got to give it the right name.
你得给银行起好名字 [05:04.455]It's got to be something big and strong like Security First Trust and Federal Reserve.
一定要能撑得住场 像“安全信托美联储” [05:10.569]And you have to name a bank that because nobody is going to put their money in Fred's Bank.
必须得这样命名 因为没有人会把钱存在“弗雷德的银行” [05:15.872]"Hi, I'm Fred. I have a bank. You got $1,500?"
“你好 我是弗雷德 我开了一家银行 你想存1500美金是吗？” [05:22.522]I'll put it, I'll put it here, in my white suit.
“那我放到 放到这里 我的白色西装里” [05:25.706]White suit, right-hand pocket. Ok, you gotta remember that.
“白色西装 右手边口袋 记好了哈” [05:29.423]See kids learn how to talk by listening to their parents, see?
你想 孩子们通过听父母讲话 来学说话 没错吧？ [05:37.922]See, this is a good one you can pull on them.
来看看我的好办法 [05:44.243]See, what you do, you have a three-year-old kid and you want to play a dirty trick on them,
你要做什么呢 就是 有一个三岁小孩 你想逗他们玩 [05:48.226]whenever you're around them, you talk wrong.
那么你在他们旁边的时候 一定要说奇怪的话 [05:55.665]So now it's like his first day in school and he raises his hand.
现在是他上小学的第一天 他举起手 [05:58.057]Mambo dogface to the banana patch?
“曼波大兵到香蕉地？” [06:09.210]Give that kid a special test. Get him out.
给那个孩子做个特殊智力测试 先把他带出去先 [06:15.588]Let me give you a warning, ok. I was in Paris about two months ago.
我警告一下大家 我两个月前在巴黎 [06:19.832]And, it was just a little vacation. It was on the east coast, I had seven days off and say,
度个小假 我当时在东海岸 有七天假期 所以想着 [06:24.092]Well I'll just go over there; I'll go to Paris.
“那我去巴黎吧” [06:25.946]But let me give you a warning if you're going over there. Here's an example:
但是我得警告一下想去巴黎的人 给你举个例子 [06:30.722]chapeau means hat.
chapeau的意思是 帽子 [06:34.972]Ouef means egg.
Ouef的意思是 鸡蛋 [06:38.427]It's like those French have a different word for everything.
就好像那帮法国人 给每一个词都研发了新的读法 [06:46.930]I'm serious. See, you never appreciate your language
我是认真的 你看 你从来不会感激自己的母语 [06:50.124]until you go to a foreign country that doesn't have the courtesy to speak English.
直到你到别的国家 他们没有一点要说英语的眼力见 [06:57.289]I went over there thinking no problem, I don't speak any French;
我跑到法国去 一点法语都不会说 [06:59.676]I'm thinking no problem, English is a universal language.
我觉得 没关系啊 英语是世界通用语言 [07:02.604]Everybody, no, I'll just, it'll be easy. I get off the plane, get into the taxi say to the driver -
不会有障碍的 我下飞机 进的士里 跟司机说 [07:06.851][baby talking in audience] [07:12.961]I dig baby talk. Ok, have I started yet? I have, ok, well then let's just keep going.
说了一些嘀嘀咕咕的 咦 我开始了吗？噢开始了 那我们继续哈 [07:25.179]Oh, so, so anyway, you go to Paris, France and....um.
总之呢 你去法国巴黎 然后 呃 [07:33.683]Well, let's go back to what I was talking about about uh Paris, France. I remember, don't worry.
我们回到刚才的话题 法国巴黎 别担心 我记着呢 [07:40.588]So did I say "A courtesy to speak English?" I said that, ok. Now.
我说过“没有眼力见”了吗？哦 好的 来 [07:49.884]I went over there thinking, "Oh everyone's going to speak English, no problem;
我到那边 想着 “大家都会说英语的 问题不大” [07:53.865]I don't speak a word of French. It's a universal language, so I'll just be able to speak English."
“我一句法语都不会 问题不大 我说英语就好 英语是全球通用语言” [07:56.788]So I get off the plane; I get into a taxi; the first indication I'm going to have trouble:
所以我下飞机 进的士 而我有麻烦的第一个标志是 [08:01.044]I say to the driver, "I'd like to go to a hotel please."
我对司机说 “我想去酒店” [08:04.227][indecipherable French]? [08:07.147]Whaat? What is that you're saying? So, the first thing you do, this is really dumb,
“啥？？你在说啥？”那么 你对他的第一个错误的回应 [08:13.789]you think this will help, you adopt a French accent.
你觉得这会有帮助 就是换上法国口音 [08:16.979]I would like to go to zee hotel. So that's nothing,
“我想汽酒店” 没用 [08:24.147]so I went out and bought a little French phrase book hoping to memorize little phrases, you know;
所以我出门买了一本常用法语口袋书 记一些日常用语 [08:27.866]can I go to the bathroom,' things like that.
“我能去卫生间吗”之类的 [08:30.259]But French is not like Spanish. Spanish you can sound it out.
但法语不像西班牙语 西班牙语很顺口 [08:33.716]It's easy for Americans. Every vowel is a syllable.
西语对美国人很友好 因为每个音节都有元音 [08:36.637]Casa de Pepe. Donde esta casa de Pepe?
“尿尿屋 尿尿屋在哪里？” [08:45.668]But French is like, "jouen de le droit." [choking noises]
但法语是这样的：" [08:54.632]What happened; what happened?
“发生了什么 发生了什么” [08:55.432]He spoke French. Help him!
“他说了一句法语 快救救他！” [09:01.017]So the only thing I could remember was cheese omelette.
我只能记住一个东西的法语 干酪煎蛋卷 [09:03.399]Omelette du fromage.' I'm practicing all the time. Omlette du fromage.
Omelette du fromage 我一直在练这个法语发音 [09:06.855]I'm meeting people, "Hey, omlette du fromage."
我逢人便说 嘿 干酪煎蛋卷 [09:11.905]Finally, I got into a restaurant and go, "Omelette du fromage."
终于有天 我踏进一家餐馆说 Omelette du fromage [09:14.559]And the problem if you order in French the waiter thinks you speak French,
问题在于 如果你用法语点单 服务员就以为你会说法语 [09:17.753]he goes, "[unintelligible French]?" And you go, "Yes."
然后他说 “ [09:23.063]He brings you a shoe with cheese on it.
他给你端上一盆铺着芝士的鞋子 [09:25.722]And you also told him to force it down your throat.
然后你还告诉他 把这盆东西硬塞进你的喉咙里 [09:28.899]I'll have a shoe with cheese on it; force it down my throat; and I want to massage your grandmother, ok.
“给我来一盆鞋子铺芝士 直接塞进喉咙 我还想给你奶奶按摩按摩 好吧” [09:36.082]I finally figured out the secret to ordering food: it's all sound effects.
我终于悟到点单的诀窍了 一切在于音效 [09:39.791]Went into a restaurant, wanted to order milk, eggs, and ham.
进餐厅 想点牛奶 鸡蛋 火腿 [09:42.186]I go in and I go, "[cow noise, chicken noise, pig noise]."
我进去说 哞哞哞 咯咯咯 哼哼哼 [09:50.416]The waiter looked and me and goes, "I beg your pardon?"
服务员盯着我 “您有事吗？” [09:56.989]Ok, enough comedy jokes. Alright, um-
好啦 喜剧笑话说太多了 嗯—— [10:02.302][audience member]"What's your mood watch say?" [10:05.488]Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer.
是啊 我还记得我的第一杯啤酒呢
不过我的确对知识 智慧这些 很感兴趣 [00:01.797]I went to college. I studied the great philosophers.
我去大学 学习著名哲学家 [00:04.452]Socretes. I studied "Platoe." You know, you learn the important things.
“苏格里拉” “百拉图” 他们都很重要 哲学很重要 [00:12.634]Like, if you're studying geology which is all facts,
你想 如果你学的是地质学 学的都是些事实 [00:14.762]as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, you know? Because it's just numbers and things,
你一毕业 就忘得精光 因为都是数据啊 很死的东西 [00:18.959]but philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.
但是哲学嘛 你记得的东西份量 刚刚好能把你之后的人生毁掉 [00:24.008]Then you studied the important like ethical questions:
你还会学一些重要的道德问题啦 [00:26.663]is it ok to yell "movie" in a crowded fire house?
能不能在一个人挤人的着火院里 大喊“电影了” [00:31.179]Uh, religious questions. Does the Pope shit in the woods?
宗教问题 教皇会不会在森林里随地大小便？ [00:40.474]I keep waiting sometime.
我总是在等待 [00:47.387]If there is a god give me a sign.
如果神存在 就给我一个信号吧 [00:51.104]See? I told you [unintelligible gibberish]
你看？我告诉过你 [01:01.141]Wouldn't it be weird if you died, and you woke up,
会不会很奇怪啊 假如你死了 然后你醒来 [01:03.798]and you were in heaven, just like they always told you?
到了天堂 就像他们总跟你说的那样 [01:08.044]Everybody had wings on and pearly gates.
大家都有翅膀 天国之门 [01:12.559]Wouldn't you feel stupid?
你会不会感觉 自己蠢爆了 [01:16.278]"Oh no. You mean that this is what....?"
“别吧 你是说 这就是……？ [01:20.261]Awww. In college they said this was all bullshit.
啊 大学里面说 这些都是瞎扯淡” [01:28.240]Oooh then, well, I'll just come in.
呃啊 好吧 那我直接进来就是了 [01:31.685]What? You've been keeping records on me?
啥？你们一直有记录我的言行举止？ [01:36.205]"Well, I wasn't so bad. How many times did I take the Lord's name in vain?"
我也不算太糟啦 我有多少次“徒然取主之名”？ [01:41.520]Ooooh. Million and six?
哎呦 一百万零六次？ [01:45.765]Jesus Chri-"
看在耶稣的——” [01:56.654]We're going to get to the meat of the act pretty soon. I'm just kind of coasting here.
我们马上就进入重点了 我前面都是在引入 [01:58.511]What do you want for four dollars? A real show or something?
你就花了四美元 能买到啥？能买到一场真的单口吗？ [02:04.886]I don't need this, you know what I mean?
我不需要这个 懂吧 [02:08.606]I'm a neat guy
我是乖宝宝～ [02:12.860]More wine.
上酒！ [02:21.360]Ahh, it's so hard, it's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean?
最近 最近要相信什么真的太难了 你懂我的意思吗？ [02:25.078]It's like, religion, I mean you can't really take it seriously
你想 宗教 没办法特别正经严肃地看待它 [02:27.734]because it seems so mythological, and it seems so arbitrary.
因为它太神秘了 又太说一不二了 [02:31.192]And then on the other hand science, you know, is just pure empiricism
另一方面 科学 你知道吧 就是纯粹的经验主义 [02:34.640]and by virtue of its method it excludes metaphysics.
而它的方法论的本质 排除了形而上学 [02:40.227]And uh, I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if not for my lucky astrology mood watch.
我估计 我这阵子什么都不会相信了 要不是有我的幸运占星心情手表 [02:55.623]College. You feel so small, you know.
大学 你在里面会感觉很渺小 知道吧 [02:58.552]You go to college, you study about guys like Leonardo, who did everything.
你去上大学 学习伟人的事迹 像列奥纳多·达芬奇 全才 [03:03.861]A scientist. A pai-, a great, a great painter. A great architect and designer.
科学家 伟大的画家 建筑师 设计师 [03:09.966]And you feel like an idiot.
相比之下 你像个傻子 [03:11.829]I wanted to expand my life in the way that Leonardo did,
我想让我的人生像列奥纳多一样充盈 [03:17.144]and that's why I took up juggling.
这就是为什么 我开始学杂耍 [03:21.393]I know what you're saying, you're saying,
我知道你想说什么 你想说 [03:23.513]Steve, where do you find time to juggle?
“Steve 你是怎么抽时间学杂耍的呀？” [03:29.624]Well, I juggle in my mind.
是这样的 我在脑内杂耍 [03:35.207]Whoops. Ok, um.
哎呀 不小心弄掉了 [03:42.904]But people look at guys, like, like the Mona Lisa, hahaha, Leonardo's Mona Lisa,
人们去看蒙娜丽莎 列奥纳多的蒙娜丽莎 [03:49.543]and they think, "Ohh, that's not so great."
内心暗想 “噢 也没那么牛嘛” [03:52.206]But not a lot of people know this: the Mona Lisa was painted with one stroke.
但是很少人知道：蒙娜丽莎是一笔画完的 [03:59.903]He just went pllft, "How's this?"
他就 [04:03.623]Ok, I'm sorry, alright, ok, ok. Ahhhh.
好的 不好意思 没事 好的好的 啊啊 [04:11.591]Excuse me, just went to the Bahamas for a second.
抱歉 刚才走神走到巴哈马群岛去了 [04:15.842]Well, anyway. I guess you can tell that, uh I'm into language.
言归正传 你应该能看出来 我研究语言 [04:21.952]Language is kinda my thing being a comedian.
语言是我作为喜剧演员的专长 [04:24.608]And uh, if you don't have a command of the language, nothing to be embarrassed about but,
如果没办法很好掌握语言 也没什么好尴尬的 [04:28.063]because this is my profession and let's face it: some people have a way with words, and other people
因为我靠这个吃饭 咱们得面对现实：有些人能说会道 另外一些 [04:44.000]oh, not have a way.
不能说会道 [04:51.176]See I'm into language. You have to have a command of the English language or you're just nowhere.
我喜欢语言 你得掌握英语 要不然生活处处碰壁 [04:55.426]Say you get out college or whatever you're doing.
比方说 你毕业了 [04:58.078]You're gonna go into business; say you're going to open a bank.
要进军商业 想开个银行 [05:01.264]Now you, just for example, you've got to give it the right name.
你得给银行起好名字 [05:04.455]It's got to be something big and strong like Security First Trust and Federal Reserve.
一定要能撑得住场 像“安全信托美联储” [05:10.569]And you have to name a bank that because nobody is going to put their money in Fred's Bank.
必须得这样命名 因为没有人会把钱存在“弗雷德的银行” [05:15.872]"Hi, I'm Fred. I have a bank. You got $1,500?"
“你好 我是弗雷德 我开了一家银行 你想存1500美金是吗？” [05:22.522]I'll put it, I'll put it here, in my white suit.
“那我放到 放到这里 我的白色西装里” [05:25.706]White suit, right-hand pocket. Ok, you gotta remember that.
“白色西装 右手边口袋 记好了哈” [05:29.423]See kids learn how to talk by listening to their parents, see?
你想 孩子们通过听父母讲话 来学说话 没错吧？ [05:37.922]See, this is a good one you can pull on them.
来看看我的好办法 [05:44.243]See, what you do, you have a three-year-old kid and you want to play a dirty trick on them,
你要做什么呢 就是 有一个三岁小孩 你想逗他们玩 [05:48.226]whenever you're around them, you talk wrong.
那么你在他们旁边的时候 一定要说奇怪的话 [05:55.665]So now it's like his first day in school and he raises his hand.
现在是他上小学的第一天 他举起手 [05:58.057]Mambo dogface to the banana patch?
“曼波大兵到香蕉地？” [06:09.210]Give that kid a special test. Get him out.
给那个孩子做个特殊智力测试 先把他带出去先 [06:15.588]Let me give you a warning, ok. I was in Paris about two months ago.
我警告一下大家 我两个月前在巴黎 [06:19.832]And, it was just a little vacation. It was on the east coast, I had seven days off and say,
度个小假 我当时在东海岸 有七天假期 所以想着 [06:24.092]Well I'll just go over there; I'll go to Paris.
“那我去巴黎吧” [06:25.946]But let me give you a warning if you're going over there. Here's an example:
但是我得警告一下想去巴黎的人 给你举个例子 [06:30.722]chapeau means hat.
chapeau的意思是 帽子 [06:34.972]Ouef means egg.
Ouef的意思是 鸡蛋 [06:38.427]It's like those French have a different word for everything.
就好像那帮法国人 给每一个词都研发了新的读法 [06:46.930]I'm serious. See, you never appreciate your language
我是认真的 你看 你从来不会感激自己的母语 [06:50.124]until you go to a foreign country that doesn't have the courtesy to speak English.
直到你到别的国家 他们没有一点要说英语的眼力见 [06:57.289]I went over there thinking no problem, I don't speak any French;
我跑到法国去 一点法语都不会说 [06:59.676]I'm thinking no problem, English is a universal language.
我觉得 没关系啊 英语是世界通用语言 [07:02.604]Everybody, no, I'll just, it'll be easy. I get off the plane, get into the taxi say to the driver -
不会有障碍的 我下飞机 进的士里 跟司机说 [07:06.851][baby talking in audience] [07:12.961]I dig baby talk. Ok, have I started yet? I have, ok, well then let's just keep going.
说了一些嘀嘀咕咕的 咦 我开始了吗？噢开始了 那我们继续哈 [07:25.179]Oh, so, so anyway, you go to Paris, France and....um.
总之呢 你去法国巴黎 然后 呃 [07:33.683]Well, let's go back to what I was talking about about uh Paris, France. I remember, don't worry.
我们回到刚才的话题 法国巴黎 别担心 我记着呢 [07:40.588]So did I say "A courtesy to speak English?" I said that, ok. Now.
我说过“没有眼力见”了吗？哦 好的 来 [07:49.884]I went over there thinking, "Oh everyone's going to speak English, no problem;
我到那边 想着 “大家都会说英语的 问题不大” [07:53.865]I don't speak a word of French. It's a universal language, so I'll just be able to speak English."
“我一句法语都不会 问题不大 我说英语就好 英语是全球通用语言” [07:56.788]So I get off the plane; I get into a taxi; the first indication I'm going to have trouble:
所以我下飞机 进的士 而我有麻烦的第一个标志是 [08:01.044]I say to the driver, "I'd like to go to a hotel please."
我对司机说 “我想去酒店” [08:04.227][indecipherable French]? [08:07.147]Whaat? What is that you're saying? So, the first thing you do, this is really dumb,
“啥？？你在说啥？”那么 你对他的第一个错误的回应 [08:13.789]you think this will help, you adopt a French accent.
你觉得这会有帮助 就是换上法国口音 [08:16.979]I would like to go to zee hotel. So that's nothing,
“我想汽酒店” 没用 [08:24.147]so I went out and bought a little French phrase book hoping to memorize little phrases, you know;
所以我出门买了一本常用法语口袋书 记一些日常用语 [08:27.866]can I go to the bathroom,' things like that.
“我能去卫生间吗”之类的 [08:30.259]But French is not like Spanish. Spanish you can sound it out.
但法语不像西班牙语 西班牙语很顺口 [08:33.716]It's easy for Americans. Every vowel is a syllable.
西语对美国人很友好 因为每个音节都有元音 [08:36.637]Casa de Pepe. Donde esta casa de Pepe?
“尿尿屋 尿尿屋在哪里？” [08:45.668]But French is like, "jouen de le droit." [choking noises]
但法语是这样的：" [08:54.632]What happened; what happened?
“发生了什么 发生了什么” [08:55.432]He spoke French. Help him!
“他说了一句法语 快救救他！” [09:01.017]So the only thing I could remember was cheese omelette.
我只能记住一个东西的法语 干酪煎蛋卷 [09:03.399]Omelette du fromage.' I'm practicing all the time. Omlette du fromage.
Omelette du fromage 我一直在练这个法语发音 [09:06.855]I'm meeting people, "Hey, omlette du fromage."
我逢人便说 嘿 干酪煎蛋卷 [09:11.905]Finally, I got into a restaurant and go, "Omelette du fromage."
终于有天 我踏进一家餐馆说 Omelette du fromage [09:14.559]And the problem if you order in French the waiter thinks you speak French,
问题在于 如果你用法语点单 服务员就以为你会说法语 [09:17.753]he goes, "[unintelligible French]?" And you go, "Yes."
然后他说 “ [09:23.063]He brings you a shoe with cheese on it.
他给你端上一盆铺着芝士的鞋子 [09:25.722]And you also told him to force it down your throat.
然后你还告诉他 把这盆东西硬塞进你的喉咙里 [09:28.899]I'll have a shoe with cheese on it; force it down my throat; and I want to massage your grandmother, ok.
“给我来一盆鞋子铺芝士 直接塞进喉咙 我还想给你奶奶按摩按摩 好吧” [09:36.082]I finally figured out the secret to ordering food: it's all sound effects.
我终于悟到点单的诀窍了 一切在于音效 [09:39.791]Went into a restaurant, wanted to order milk, eggs, and ham.
进餐厅 想点牛奶 鸡蛋 火腿 [09:42.186]I go in and I go, "[cow noise, chicken noise, pig noise]."
我进去说 哞哞哞 咯咯咯 哼哼哼 [09:50.416]The waiter looked and me and goes, "I beg your pardon?"
服务员盯着我 “您有事吗？” [09:56.989]Ok, enough comedy jokes. Alright, um-
好啦 喜剧笑话说太多了 嗯—— [10:02.302][audience member]"What's your mood watch say?" [10:05.488]Yeah, I remember when I had my first beer.
是啊 我还记得我的第一杯啤酒呢