Offended-Eminem

[00:00.00]You claim if you get knocked by the cops [00:01.68]You'll give 'em not even a statement [00:03.01]Walk in the arraignment, shoot the bailiff [00:05.47]Karate kick the plaintiff [00:06.56]Gotti with the stainless [00:08.23]I'll just call it shoddy entertainment [00:09.93]If y'all was in the party gettin' faded [00:11.52]On molly, had the audience sedated [00:13.22]You wouldn't catch a body if it fainted [00:14.94]Probably let it fall and hit the pavement [00:16.73]But you'd be the first lobbyin' to claim it [00:18.38]Bitch, stop bein' a lame [00:19.96]Your hobby isn’t robbery and dismemberin' body limbs [00:22.71]Like you was Tommy Lynn Sells [00:24.01]And chainsawing them in the basement [00:25.34]Hardly fits your job description [00:26.71]Ain't nobody dippin' out the back of the club like, [00:28.37]"Oh my God, he's trippin'" [00:29.19]Only time you get the blade is probably [00:30.56]With the dang lawn equipment, ain't it? [00:32.16]Wouldn't take a bobby pin and wave it [00:33.84]I need to stop bein' debated [00:37.30]You're still copyin', Xeroxing, [00:39.47]I'm still coppin' a feel [00:41.01]Like Bill Cosby at will, [00:42.19]Popping a pill then spill Oxys in Jill's coffee [00:44.75]Then send her out to the hotel lobby a lil' wobbly [00:47.30]And still groggy [00:48.29]This blonde bitch reprehensible misconducts [00:51.16]Never sensible [00:51.96]Kiss my butt, my set of principles is gone [00:53.95]But 'til I get the President to respond [00:55.91]My pen and pencil is a missile launcher [00:57.69]And send it to Mitch McConnell [00:58.84]Just as big of a bitch as Donald [01:00.23]Shit's on, bruh [01:01.39]Let me sing this shit soprano [01:03.49]While I do it pizzicato [01:04.73]Ivanka, stiff arm her [01:06.31]While I'm hittin' on Melania [01:07.95]And this song's for all ya [01:09.57]'Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me [01:11.07]They want me to go eat some worms [01:12.47]I hope you offended [01:13.23]And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt [01:15.08]But I'ma make you eat your words [01:16.81]I hope you offended [01:17.40]You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up [01:19.37]'Cause you're only gonna make things worse [01:21.11]I hope you offended [01:21.85]'Cause I swear when I get up I'm never gonna let up [01:23.59]'Til everybody eats my turds [01:25.33]These drums and hard snares bring out the worst in me [01:28.17]Like Justin Ross Harris at a nursery [01:30.12]Goin' ham at candy yam on nanny cam [01:32.45]I'm gettin' handys with the zanny Xannys in the Caddy armrest [01:34.82]I'm imagining objects, so I'm batting cobwebs [01:36.41]From a daddy longleg [01:37.28]And Hamtramck, got the panoramic camera [01:39.36]Xanax, a banana hammock and a Santa hat [01:41.45]I'm smellin' like a damn mechanic [01:42.74]With a chick that looks like Janet Jackson with a Spanish accent [01:45.02]Twice your age and I'm actin' half it [01:46.90]Grow up? Nah [01:49.60]Not that I know of, y'all [01:50.70]Basement just got a frickin' overhaul, [01:53.12]Got a stripper pole installed [01:54.34]Started rollin' all through those Kolonopins like a bowlin' ball [01:56.72]Like an overdose on twice the ratio of Propofol [01:59.31]And go through no withdrawal [02:00.18]While I get fellatio and give a facial [02:01.98]To an interracial blow-up doll of Rachel Dolezal [02:04.37]You're so appalled, so's my manager (Em) [02:07.61]Bitch I'm amateur, **** a pro career [02:09.44]Coast is clear, but nowhere to go from here [02:11.07]And nobody's close, so don't compare [02:12.86]They ain't nowhere near, I'm way over here [02:14.38]My competition can't see me [02:15.84]'Cause I don't own a mirror [02:18.06]But Marshall, you are terrific, so smart and gifted [02:21.50]I'm so narcissistic, when I fart, I sniff it [02:23.17]Do a fake dab to smell my armpits with it [02:24.71]Your anxiety's throwin' gang signs [02:26.91]But I made strides with these rape lines [02:28.64]I'm cuttin' back on women hate crimes [02:30.33]Like Ray Rice when he FaceTimes [02:32.14]Bang, bang, bang, bang time [02:33.86]Dang knives to butcher them gay wives [02:35.51]You're gonna need sutures the same size [02:37.23]As the blade I push into captcha [02:38.74]Pull 'em like sleigh rides [02:40.78]Gotta stab a bitch at least eight times [02:42.38]To make it on Dateline [02:43.62]I came to stake my claim like a canine [02:45.76]Waitin' in a buffet line [02:46.91]So Kellyanne Conway, I'm a really bad hombre [02:50.54]Come play, belly dance on me [02:52.25]I've been making wedding plans all day [02:54.58]'Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me [02:56.23]They want me to go eat some worms [02:57.82]I hope you offended [02:58.50]And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt [03:00.46]But I'ma make you eat your words [03:01.99]I hope you offended [03:02.77]You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up [03:04.59]'Cause you're only gonna make things worse [03:06.31]I hope you offended [03:07.07]'Cause I swear when I get up I'm never gonna let up [03:08.78]'Til everybody eats my turds [03:10.65]Eight year old with the wordplay [03:13.47]Girl, take this pole like a survey [03:15.06]Today wasn't my birthday [03:16.75]But I'm caked up like a dessert tray [03:18.55]So we're in shape [03:20.40]'Cause you're in a slurrin' state [03:21.71]I’m a ten, you’re an eight, like what I do before [03:24.50]After, and during rape [03:25.99]You wanna get into a pissin' contest and find out who's better? [03:28.86]And they made a fool out of what I pulled out him [03:30.54]R. Kelly with a full bladder [03:31.84]Not in high school, grad, I'm not a scholar [03:34.23]But I'm so cold that I'm droppin' out with my degrees [03:35.63]It's the same as I got in college (zero) [03:37.23]But nobody's hotter, you owe me my respect [03:39.43]I owe you nada like lodi partner that blow me [03:41.27]Told you I'm so dirty, [03:42.02]Homie you can throw me in some holy water [03:43.67]With some floaties on [03:44.64]And get the soap, and try to get the Pope to hold me [03:46.42]While you hose me off And nope I won't be washed [03:48.10]You hope to God I don't explode, [03:49.23]I gotta blow this spot up, though [03:50.23]I got a lotta more [03:51.14]I won't put the sugar coating on it though [03:52.66]'Cause sometimes you can feel like your energy's expired [03:55.22]Rap's got you drained, dead tired, zapped [03:57.70]You feel like a wet pile of crap [03:59.29]But look, man, like the feds buggin' my phone, uh huh [04:01.54]I get why you're tapped [04:02.72]But you gotta get your fire back [04:04.32]Catch fire, get upset and fire back [04:05.93]Is what I tell myself [04:07.97]When times get bad [04:09.65]'Cause sometimes I might get sad [04:11.25]Well I take the same advice I had [04:12.85]And tell myself like I used to tell Hailie, when life's a drag [04:16.46]Told her to do like her dad, don't cry, get mad [04:19.93]'Cause little baby powders belong in diaper bags [04:23.38]I'm hyper, by the time you see this side of me [04:25.61]I'm right in your ass [04:26.84]'Fore the pen, I stood up for the kid [04:29.00]Who had to put up with the bullies at his school (at his school) [04:31.03]You ain't have to have no money [04:32.11]Or go shoppin' just to cop a ****ing attitude [04:33.71]Now my dough's amountin' to a mountain, [04:36.05]It's rised too high to count it [04:37.18]Never asked to be rich, all I did was [04:38.72]Wish I had a dime for every time that I was doubted [04:40.46]But then I think about it and I'm enraged [04:42.89]'Cause I just figured out that if I was paid [04:44.61]For the time I spent to put the pen to the page [04:46.22]It'd be minimum wage [04:47.23]But it's embedded in my head [04:48.67]And if I hunted for the bread and butter [04:49.62]What I wanted was to be the one that they was scared of [04:51.28]But I'm never gonna get the credit for the sweat [04:52.50]And blood I put up in the pen [04:53.38]And when I'm dead I wonder will they put me on a pedestal [04:54.97]Or forget I was ever this incredible [04:56.13]I guess I better go harder than ever 'cause I'll never get [04:57.64]Another mother****ing opportunity again [04:59.16]To offend as many people with this I can, simply because I can [05:01.75]'Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me [05:03.88]They want me to go eat some worms [05:05.42]I hope you offended [05:06.14]And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt [05:08.02]But I'ma make you eat your words [05:09.66]I hope you offended [05:10.32]You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up [05:12.17]'Cause you're only gonna make things worse [05:13.90]I hope you offended [05:14.54]'Cause I swear when I get up I'm never gonna let up [05:16.44]'Til everybody eats my turds