Joseph Smith American Moses-Various Artists

[00:00.19]AND NOW, we wish to honor you with The story of JOSEPH SMITH [00:06.99]THE AMERICAN MOSES! [00:09.39]Oh! This is very good! Praise Christ! [00:13.64]Mormon! [00:16.95]I am going to take you back in time. [00:19.90]Mormon! [00:20.65]To the United States, 1823… [00:23.36]Mormon! [00:24.01]A small and poor village called Oopstate New York. [00:26.86]Oop-state! [00:27.52]There was disease and famine. [00:30.22]So sick! [00:30.97]But also in this village lived a simple farmer who would change everything. [00:36.07]His name… was Joseph Smith. [00:40.83]Ya ya ya ya ya ya [00:41.15]ya ya ya [00:42.35]HA – OOM! [00:44.55]Joseph Smith [00:45.80]American Moses! [00:47.80]Praise be to Joseph, [00:49.70]American prophet man. [00:51.70]Ay, my name is Joseph Smith. [00:53.90]I’m going to ******* this baby. [00:56.45]What?! [00:57.00]HA – OOM! [00:57.60]No no Joseph!. Don’t ******* da baby! [01:01.00]Joseph Smith. Don’t ******* da baby! [01:04.74]Suddenly the clouds parted, [01:06.74]and Joseph Smith was visited by God! [01:09.59]HA – OOM! [01:10.49]Joseph Smith! [01:12.19]Do not ******* a baby! [01:14.39]I’ll get rid of your AIDS [01:16.19]If you ******* dis frog. [01:23.25]Joseph Smith ******* the frog God gave to him and his AIDS went away! [01:28.50]Then, a great wizard named MORONI appeared from the star*******p Enterprise! [01:33.31]Joseph Smith. [01:35.21]Your village is *******t. [01:37.41]You shall lead your villagers to a new village. [01:40.52]TAKE THESE ******* GOLDEN PLATES! [01:42.33]Oh – way! [01:44.38]And on the plates were written the directions to a new land [01:48.48]SALT – TA – LAAAAY – SITI! [01:51.68]Salt – ta – laaaay – siti! [01:55.03]Joseph tried to convince ALL the villagers to follow him and his golden plates! [02:00.55]Liberation! Equality! [02:02.45]No more slavery for Oopstate Mormon people! [02:06.80]I GOT THE GOLDEN PLATES! [02:07.95]Gold plates. [02:09.20]I’m gonna lead the people. [02:10.51]We head west! [02:11.63]We gotta stick togeddah. [02:13.14]Mormons! [02:14.09]We gotta help each uddah. [02:15.54]We’re Mormons! [02:16.54]And so we climb the mountain. [02:17.99]We head west. [02:18.99]And we cross the river. [02:20.45]We head west! [02:21.40]And we fight the oppression. [02:23.10]Mormons! [02:23.80]By being nice to ev’ryone. [02:25.45]We’re Mormons! [02:26.91]Not so fast, Mormons! [02:28.41]You shall not pass MY mountain! [02:30.91]Down from the mountain, look who comes! [02:32.77]The American warlord, Brigham Young! [02:34.47]Yes, I am Brigham Young! [02:37.82]I cut off my daughter’s *******oris! [02:40.02]That made God angry, so he turned my nose into a ******* for punishment! [02:45.39]Brigham Young! [02:46.94]His nose was a *******oris. [02:49.29]What will you do Joseph? [02:50.49]Will you fight the *******oris man? [02:52.50]Not fight him…help him! [02:56.80]Joseph Smith took his magical ******* frog and rubbed it upon Brigham Young’s ******* face. [03:02.52]And behold, Brigham was CURED! [03:07.37]Joseph Smith - magical AIDS frog [03:10.78]Brigham Young - frog on his ******* face [03:15.29]Brigham Young was so grateful, [03:17.59]he decided to join the Mormons on their journey. [03:21.70]C0mpassion! [03:22.85]Courtesy! [03:23.65]Let’s be really ******* polite to everyone! [03:27.96]I got the golden plates. [03:29.02]Gold plates. [03:30.32]I’m gonna lead the people. [03:31.47]We head west! [03:32.72]We gotta stick togeddah. [03:34.07]Mormons! [03:36.33]Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad. [03:40.68]Ohhhh….. [03:42.49]After traveling for so long, [03:44.90]the Mormons ran out of fresh water, [03:47.40]and became sick…with dysentery! [03:51.96]Mormon go to da watah [03:53.27]Watah go to da cup [03:55.37]Cup go to da stomach [03:56.82]*******t come out da butt [03:59.02]*******t go in da watah [04:00.52]Watah go in da cup [04:01.92]*******t go down da stomach [04:03.17]*******t come out da butt. [04:04.67]Oh *******! [04:06.82]Oh no! The prophet Joseph Smith is now getting sick! [04:11.94]*******t go in da watah [04:13.29]Watah go in da cup [04:14.39]Cup go to da thirsty [04:15.74]*******t go to da stomach [04:17.30]Blood come out da butt [04:18.55]Blood go to da watah [04:19.85]Watah go in da cup [04:21.30]Cup go to da throat [04:22.70]*******t blood in da stomach [04:23.85]*******t blood in da mouth [04:25.16]*******t blood on da insides [04:26.52]Watah come out da butt! [04:28.32]Brigham Young! [04:29.47]You must take the golden plates and lead the Mormons to the Promised Land! [04:38.47]Desperation! Mortality! Loss of Faith! [04:42.29]Ahhhh – [04:45.50]Got the golden plates. [04:47.01]Gold plates. [04:47.86]Gonna lead the people. [04:48.96]We head west! [04:50.11]Even thought their prophet had died, [04:52.36]the Mormons stuck together, and helped each other, [04:55.86]and were really nice to everyone they came across. [04:58.86]And then one day, [05:00.61]the Mormons finally FOUND Sal Tlay Ka Siti! [05:06.01]Sal Tlay Ka Siti! [05:09.66]And there, the Mormons danced with Ewoks! [05:12.77]And were greeted by Jesus! [05:15.82]Welcome Mormons! [05:18.37]Now let’s all have as MANY BABIES AS WE CAN! [05:21.78]To make BIG MORMON FAMILIES!!!! [05:29.18]F*k your woman, [05:29.98]F*k your man! [05:31.19]It is all part of God’s plan, [05:33.79]Mormons ******* all that they can [05:35.75]Here in Salt Lake City land! [05:38.30]Thank you, thank you God! [05:41.53](Now we are *******!) [05:42.78]Thank you, thank you God! [05:46.23](God wants us *******) [05:47.38]Thank you, thank you God! [05:50.69](Get back to *******) [05:51.94]Thank you, thank you God! [05:56.74]Joseph Smith ******* frog [05:58.19]Brigham Young ******* face [05:59.49]*******t come out de butt, [06:00.99]Jesus says ******* ******* [06:03.54]Mormons!!!!!